Do I Want To Be Known For this?

Do I want to be known for this?  For infertility?

Quick Answer: NO.
Thoughtful answer: I guess so.
Honest and final answer: I have to be.

This past weekend I had the pleasure and honor of visiting our nation’s capital for recognition of my work here on The Egg.  Saturday morning I was given a Family Building Champion award from the Cade Foundation.  A wonderfully planned and executed banquet at Maggiano’s in Chevy Chase was hosted by Sherri Shepherd of The View.  This event is also the annual announcement of the newest recipients of the Cade Foundation’s Family Building grant.  I was truly humbled and impressed with this great event, and to be listed among great infertility champions such as The View and Shady Grove Fertility was unreal.

Saturday evening, I was invited to The Root 100’s first celebratory dinner in honor of the 2011 list makers.  I made the list in 2010 for my work here on The Egg, and I was honored to not only be recognized last year but invited to take part in this annual event. This is not something I take lightly whatsoever.

While most of America was at home watching Black Girls Rock on television, I was still reeling from having been in the same room with its creator.  At my own table was a journalist, a former BET and PBS producer, and the current Federal policy director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights.

The Root 100 is a great networking opportunity.  The people who make this list are the cream of the African American crop.   The list recognizes leading doctors, activists, politicians, entertainers , clergy , etc. between the ages of 25-45.  These people are what move and shake behind the scenes.  And I was one of them.

For this blog.

For this work.

For this fight.

And I was honored.  To represent you, him or her, and whomever else.

But there was also a part of me that just kept thinking,

“Is this what I want to be known for?  Do I really want to make my mark based on the fact that my body doesn’t do what its supposed to do?”

Sometimes I don’t know.

I wrestle, even in the midst of this blog, with my feelings.  I wrestle with feelings of shame despite knowing there shouldn’t be any.  I wrestle with feelings of wanting to run back into the closet.  I wrestle with sadness.  I wrestle with stagnation.

I share my feelings openly with all of you in the hopes that someone can relate.  It is therapeutic for me at times, but that makes it no less hard.  So when I think of these events where I’m in the circle of great people and my claim to fame is a stuttered explanation of my bodily failures, I have mixed feelings.

I mean, I’m so much more than my ovaries.  I’m a damn good writer, a pretty good librarian, and a few other things.  I dip my toes in quite a few different arenas to be honest.  But the most successful arena I’ve entered to date has been that of an infertility advocate.  And as hard as that is for me to admit sometimes, I’m pretty damn proud of that too.

You see, before I started this blog, I was gathering snippets of information for myself from the few others who were willing to whisper their ailments.  I used that information to start myself on a path.  I was prepared as so many others, to hit a quick stride, find success, and leave this whole infertility thing behind me.

But then I thought about you.

Yes. YOU.

I thought about you having to turn over every blog trying to find one with your reflection.  I thought about you hearing that all black women have to do is think about babies and they’ll be pregnant.  I thought about my hispanic friends who are in that same boat.  I thought about the 7.3 million other people.  And I couldn’t go back to thinking about myself.

I am known for this blog.  Yes.  BUT, more importantly, this blog is KNOWN. And with that, comes people knowing what WE are going through.  It brings along a wealth of people understanding that infertility is no respecter of person.   It brings infertility and reproductive health right where I wanted it to be in the first place.  The open.

And for that, I’m proud.

Thank you to every person who has taken the work of this site and shared it with a friend.  Thank you to every person who has donated financially, emotionally or physically to the pursuits of The Broken Brown Egg.  I appreciate you, and the accolades that have come as a result of your support.  I am truly honored and humbled to represent you.

You keep setting em up, Eggshells, and I promise you, I’ll keep knocking them the hell down.