“I’ve had some not happy moments with that, very traumatic moments,” she says. “It’s difficult as you get older. It’s not something that can just happen.”

Tyra Banks

“In this culture, there is still the traditional stigma, especially among men, against seeking help.  Technology has advanced to the point where you owe it to yourself to honor the desire that exists to bring children to the world. There are miracles available.” 

Levar Burton

Levar Burton and wife Stephanie Cozart-Burton, struggled with infertility and conceived their daughter via IVF in 1994.  In 1996, the couple received the Barbara Eck Menning Award from Resolve: The National Infertility Association for their infertility advocacy efforts.

“I had faith, so I never really got discouraged. My friend told me that Jesus was had by a surrogate, and I said, ‘Thank you for that.'” 

Angela Bassett

"I remember clearly the day the doctors said that I might be infertile.  I mean, I cried all the way home because I just couldn't believe it. And it felt like, why is it happening to me?  I don't hear anyone else talking about stuff like this. I don't hear it in the media."

Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon

Garcelle Beauvais endured a five year struggle with secondary infertility with her ex-husband.

In 2007, she gave birth to twin boys after IVF success. In 2011, she took part in Redbook Magazine’s “The Truth About Trying”, a video project that focused on infertility. 

“I learned that all pain and loss is in fact a gift. Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else".

Beyoncé

The entertainment icon speaks candidly about loss in her 2013 documentary "Life Is But A Dream".  In his 4:44 album, husband Jay-Z addresses these losses as well, and his feelings of guilt regarding them.

Beyoncé also notes that the question "are you pregnant" is her most hated.

Girl. We concur.

“It’s about being patient and knowing what’s for you is for you.  Pray about it, and look at all your options and whatever you can try to make happen, make it happen if you can.”

Kandi

Singer, songwriter, and reality star Kandi and her husband Todd experienced secondary fertility issues after their marriage in 2014.  Kandi underwent fibroid surgery and then IVF to conceive their son Ace.  Through the help of a gestational carrier, the family welcomed a daughter in 2019.

"If you're a female that's unable to carry...you shouldn't feel guilty."

Todd Tucker

“But this is still a struggle. And sometimes when I’m alone, I feel less than a woman. Like a failure. And it’s very sensitive and it’s very hard to talk about and you don’t want to share it with a lot of people when you’re going through it. Vince and I didn’t discuss it with anyone. I didn’t even tell my mom because you feel like if you tell somebody it’s bad luck. I just wish people would be more sensitive and maybe ask ‘How can I help you? Is there anything I can do?’”

Tamar Braxton

Tamar Braxton began talking about her struggles with fertility while filming her family’s reality show, Braxton Family Values. In her trademark offhanded style, she candidly discussed both the process of egg freezing, IVF, and even surrogacy. Tamar jokes a lot, but these moments were especially different for her style as she talked about the pain of trying for something like IVF that required so much vulnerability. Like me, Tamar learned that both of her tubes were blocked. Eventually, she was blessed with her son Logan, who was a surprise after not being successful with IVF. A couple years later, Tamar and then husband Vincent Herbert attempted IVF again, but unfortunately suffered a miscarriage.

Tamar’s openness and vulnerability about her fertility struggles, and how it affected her self-esteem and confidence, was a sobering difference than her usual bold and larger than life demeanor, and to me, that says a LOT about how much infertility affects who you are.

“Everybody in the world can give up on you, but you cannot give up on yourself. And that’s just the bottom line through IVF, through your career, through your relationships, to your goals. The minute you give up, that’s when it’s over. You can’t give up. You have to make that promise to yourself that no matter what, I am not going to stop until I succeed at my goal. It’s a long road to get there, but sometimes it’s the universe changing to make things better for you.”

“I’ll see what the universe brings me. For now, what the universe has delivered is very much in the spirit of a ‘chosen family'”

Naomi Campbell

While the supermodel is notoriously private, she has addressed her desire for children, as well as a difficult cyst removal surgery that corrected her infertility.

UPDATE 5/18/21

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“It kind of shook us both and took us into a place that was really dark and difficult. When that happened… I wasn’t able to even talk to anybody about it. That was not easy.”

Mariah Carey

Following a miscarriage, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon pursued fertility treatments, including IVF to conceive their twins Moroccan and Monroe.  Mariah also spoke about the use of progesterone supplements to help sustain the pregnancy as well as her diagnoses of pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes.  

"Last but not least, it does not take birth in pregnancy for you to be a parent. Love somebody’s child. Love somebody who is out there in need of a mom, in need of a father. If you want to be a mom and you want to be a father, that should go beyond DNA and straight to the heart, and those are the three things that that I would give as advice to anyone who is battling with walking in or going through infertility." 

Cora Jakes Coleman

Daughter of pastor T.D. Jakes, Cora experienced PCOS and damaged tubes, before pursuing fertility treatments.   After two unsuccessful IVF cycles, Cora and husband Richard eventually resolved their infertility through adoption.

“Obviously, I’ve talked about my struggle with getting pregnant and I didn’t talk about it for a long time because I felt shameful.   As a woman, you just think things happen naturally and I felt like I was damaged. I felt like I was broken. I felt like, oh well maybe I’m not good enough. Like literally, it’s a very sad, hurtful thing, but the more I held onto it the worse I actually felt about about myself. And people, since I’ve shared, people have been so sweet to me. Even in the audience, people have actually come to me and hugged me and said ‘You deserve it, it’s going to happen for you.’ "

Eve

Hip Hop star and talk show host Eve discussed how infertility gave her feelings of inferiority and failure during a confessions episode of her show The Talk.

While she and her husband Maxamillion Cooper have two children from his previous marriage, Eve has expressed that there is a constant pressure from others about her age and fertility.

“It annoys me because one time, one of my friends, a male friend said to me, ‘When are you going to give my friend some kids?'” she added. “As a man you don’t — anyone! No one should do it. We are trying, for anybody who is asking, but it’s up to God and the universe. Just stop asking questions.”  Eve

Update 10/15/21

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Even though I had an amazing support system, I often felt like something was wrong with me. I thought I was alone because no one I knew personally had dealt with this. And then I realized: I'd never really seen someone African American in the public eye talking about endometriosis or their struggles with infertility. And when you don't know or see anyone else who looks like you talking about what you're going through, you feel alone and suffer in silence.”

Tia Mowry-Hardrict

 
Tia Mowry-Hardrict has been a vocal and visible advocate for endometriosis awareness and infertility caused by endometriosis. After years of difficult and painful periods, she says she finally found a doctor who explained to her what endometriosis was.

She has also talked about experiencing depression as a result of learning that having children would be difficult.

After multiple surgeries, and a significant change to her diet and lifestyle, she and husband Cory became the parents of Cree in 2011, and Cairo in 2018.

Following the birth of Cairo, Tia also spoke candidly about experiencing postpartum.

“Men entertainers say,[about me] “Yes, and she can’t get pregnant.” She’s a mule, she’s barren. They sing about me. It’s a low blow. So it’s something I want people to be aware of — infertility. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not infertile. But there are women out there who are, and they may feel like they’re less than a woman so it’s just to cheer them up and tell them. Once you have love to give. I may not know the joy of giving birth, might not experience the pain and all the hurt, but I know it feels to lose a child. So if pain is pain, then I’m hurting inside."

Lady Saw

The "First Lady" of Jamaican Dancehall publicly discussed her feelings of loss, ridicule, and inadequacy.  Through her song and video, "No Less than A Woman", she used the same outspoken and direct approach that she's known for, to speak out about the feelings of infertility and childlessness.

“ I was like, oh my god…this is a big big universal thing! I thought…let me touch this subject because it is so personal to me and other women.”

While she had experienced life as an adoptive mother, the desire to give birth, the pain of miscarriage, and the scorn received from others made her extremely passionate about speaking up.

“People feel if you can’t breed or get pregnant, then you must not be a real woman, but they are not God. If I keep losing these babies and I never have a child of my own, then god knows what is best. It does not change anything. I have three adopted children and still support so many more, so I have a lot of love to give,” 

I'm currently researching this, but after hearing about it from Actress Danielle Brooks, who is set to star in the upcoming biopic of Mahalia, I have been obsessed with finding more information.  

“It was the issue of not being able to be a mother,” Brooks tells ESSENCE. “I just know that’s very difficult for women and when that opportunity was taken away from her having a hysterectomy, that, to me — I became a co-executive producer of the project, and once they gave me room to share my opinion that was one of the things I made very clear we have to have. We have to tell this story and show the complexity of a woman wanting to be a mother and not having that ability. That was important to me.” 

Danielle Brooks

“We had one pregnancy test come back positive, which caused us both to forget every worry and swoon with joy, but a couple of weeks later I had a miscarriage, which left me physically uncomfortable and cratered any optimism we felt.” 

Michelle Obama

In her memoir "Becoming", the Forever First Lady revealed her experience with miscarriage, as well as her journey with IVF.

Her decision to candidly address the pain of miscarriage, and the stigma around it, was an extremely pivotal moment for many women of color who had been suffering in silence.  As the former First Lady of the United States, her discussion of miscarriage and IVF truly hit home the idea that infertility affects us all.

“I felt lost and alone and I felt like I failed because I didn’t know how common miscarriages were, because we don’t talk about them. We sit in our pain, thinking that somehow we’re broken.”

"As I've come on the show and we've been friends for years, you always encouraged us to freeze eggs. And so we did that. At the beginning of the year, we froze eggs and we probably wouldn't have done it without your urging. So thank you."

Devon Franklin to Dr. Oz

In hopes of creating better chances for their fertility journey, Megan and Devon chose to freeze Megan's eggs. They couple has publicly discussed their plans to be intentional towards family planning.

“Having a miscarriage is the one thing I’ve noticed no one wants to talk about. If they do it’s in private, like to say it aloud to more than one person would put you on some government list as a baby-making outcast. In reality, miscarriages are common and eventually one is able to conceive or venture off into other methods if that’s what the universe has in store.”

Rain Pryor

The daughter of renowned comedian Richard Pryor, Rain Pryor experienced recurrent pregnancy losses before learning that she had fibroids and endometriosis.  After corrective surgery, she and her partner conceived and gave birth to a daughter, Lotus Marie in 2008.

“If I can conceive a child, I would be so grateful, but if I can’t, I have to forgive that. I have to be honest with myself about it and if that can’t happen…it’s okay. I love myself regardless. I’m not less of a woman because I can’t. I do feel like that. I do. Because part of being a woman was that you can carry a child and I haven’t. That’s important. I have to be okay if I can’t, and just accept that. It’s very hard. A very big part of my life is to be a mother, and I have the nurturing spirit that never goes away so it’s okay if I don’t. And I have to forgive that part. I say it, but I really have to do it. Accepting. It’s so easy for some women. And for others…”

Dawn Robinson

Original member of EnVogue, Dawn revealed her struggles with fibroids and endometriosis while appearing in the reality show R&B Divas LA.  

NFL Hall of Famer Gale Sayers and his wife Ardythe chose to grow their family through adoption.  

In an effort to increase awareness about domestic adoption in the African American community, Gale and Ardythe helped to establish the Sayers Center at the Cradle Adoption Agency in Evanston, Illinois. 

"It wasn’t until I came out with it that I realized a lot of other women go through what I went through, because I definitely felt like I was the only person on the planet who went through it. About 80 percent of women that can’t have children would actually be able to have children if they could afford in vitro.”

Remy Ma

Rapper and reality tv star Remy Ma shared heartbreaking details about the difficulty she and her husband rapper Papoose experienced.

Remy experienced an ectopic pregnany and loss in 2017, and then pursued IVF. As a way of reclaiming her power, Remy chose to discuss her journey as part of her story arc on Love & Hip Hop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zw4gb5H8kM&ab_channel=BUILDSeries

The couple welcomed a daughter in 2019 and Remy has expressed a desire to create an IVF fund for other black women.

"Black women, man. We are amazing creatures! Women in general are just amazing creatures. We are able to do so much under so much pressure. So I want to tell any working woman that wants to have a baby: Don’t ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of wanting to take time to build your family."

And for those who are having issues starting a family, whether it’s infertility, or rebounding from a miscarriage like me, there is nothing wrong with you. You are still amazing. Whether you can or cannot bare children, it does not diminish or lessen the fact that you’re a woman, and you are you. My journey has been difficult, and a lot of women go through difficult things. But we are strong. And I wouldn’t change any single part of my story."

Remy Ma

"I have 29 eggs chillin 'in a freezer in El Segundo. It all started when my seven year relationship came to a tearful and agonizing end. The heartbreak of saying goodbye to my almost, maybe, or one day baby daddy sent me into a tailspin of anxiety about what my future may hold. Naturally I did what every newly single Black woman in her late thirties does - I froze my eggs. Except, that’s not quite what we all do, is it? In fact, we rarely talk about fertility with ourselves, or each other, until we’re actively trying to conceive. And if it doesn’t work - we panic..”

Kellee Stewart

Actress, writer, and producer Kellee Stewart is a self-proclaimed "Egg-tavist" who uses her platform as a public figure to give voice to the journey of reproductive health in the black community.  Her frustration at hearing that so many women were only finding out about their fertility once they were already in a "panic", she began to search for more ways to educate others.

Aside from writing a movie on the subject, soon to come on a network we know *wink*, Kellee also hosts a weekly show on her instagram called Warrior Wednesdays, where she invites doctors, embryologists, and every day people like you and me to share their experience with assisted reproduction or fertility.  In March of 2021, she expanded Warrior Wednesdays to its own website, where you can rewatch all of the episodes.

A dear friend of The BBE, we're so grateful for Kellee's willingness to heed her call to advocate!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“You know, sometimes it’s just harder for some people than for others. We’re just happy that we were able to do it with our doctor. He’s never really told us that there was something specific that he could identify was the reason why it just didn’t work out naturally. We did what we had to do.”

John Legend

 

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 “The first round I did of IVF, when it didn’t work, I remember thinking, ‘Oh, I was on my feet too much, and that’s why.’ You just look for anything to blame, especially yourself. I think hearing stories is just really important. You realize there’s no right way to do it, or right way to react.”

Chrissy Teigen

“I wanted families [and] couples to know that it was a valid choice not to get on this crazy merry-go-round of IVF and tens and tens of thousands of dollars. People who do what I do for a living can afford that stuff, but most people can't. They mortgage their homes and they break themselves.’” 

Aisha Tyler

Aisha Tyler first began discussing her fertility struggles with then-husband on her show The Talk. Where humor is usually a mainstay in her conversations, Aisha’s candor and eventual tears really drove home how difficult it had been for her to not only pursue IVF and other treatments to address her infertility, but also how painful and brave it was to decide that she was going to stop them.

Her story is so important to share because there is often a very overlooked portion of the infertility camp, and that is those who have made the decision to resolve that they are not going to move forward with treatments or other invasive procedures at the risk of losing themselves in the journey. And THAT conversation as a black woman is also groundbreaking because again, we are a culture that is constantly told how easy and “natural” it is for us to get pregnant and have scores of children.

To this DAY there are women of color being told by well-meaning relatives that it is “selfish” to not have children, or that it is somehow unnatural to have come to a decision not to have any.

Another Important part of her story is that when asked about adoption she said “I feel like this is such a fresh wound that I want to let it heal for a while before I think about what we could do.” YES to self-care, and self love enough to make moves when you need to and be still when you can.

"And by the way, most of them don't get pregnant. We only focus on the Cinderella stories. We don't focus on all the people that don't do it," she said. "And I wanted people to feel — men and women — it's okay to say, 'I love my marriage, I love my life, I choose not to have children."

Aisha Tyler

"Every family is unique. How each family is created and comes together is special. Kaavia James Union Wade’s journey into our arms was long and at times brutal. There were heartbreaks that nearly broke us and streams of tears that turned into raging rivers. And then came Kaavia James."

The Wades

The actress has spoken openly about her battle with misdiagnosis, recurrent pregnancy loss, and eventual adenomyosis diagnosis.  

Like many women of color, Gabrielle notes that her concerns were not taken seriously when she'd inform her doctors about what was going on.  While she didn't receive her diagnosis until her 40's, she firmly believes she had the condition as far back as her 20's, but was repeatedly misdiagnosed or placated with birth control.

After multiple rounds of IVF, and devastating losses, the couple welcomed their daughter Kaavia via gestational carrier in 2018.

“Note: if you are on birth control for anything other than birth control, to address or treat any sort of period issue you are not actually treating or addressing a period or reproductive issue. You are masking it. The pill can mask all kinds of things. It is amazing at preventing pregnancy; not so great with addressing adenomyosis.”

Gabrielle Union-Wade

"I fought tooth and nail to be a mother. I suffered several miscarriages including two at five months. That’s when you have the clothes already picked out, the nursery is already painted. They ask you do you want a funeral or do you want the cremation.
We went through that not once but twice, me and my husband. So our Kevin is a hard-won child,” she adds. “I would’ve loved to have had more children but I don’t want to test my blessing. Being a mother is for me. It’s not for everybody. It’s for me."

Wendy Williams

The outspoken media personality Wendy Williams has spoken publicly about her recurrent miscarriage.  She is the mother of one son, but shares how hard it was for her to let go of the dream of having more children. 

"Such a thing, you know? Not a day goes by that I don't think about them. It's ok, I'll meet them at the cross-roads."