Warning, rant ahead:
I wonder if it’s possible to hate something that is a natural part of life. For that matter, I wonder if it’s possible to hate inanimate objects? If it is possible, and I’m not just losing my mind, then I would like to take this time to publicly declare war on Menses. You are my witness.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking, she’s lost her mind. I know. But actually I haven’t. Until you’ve lived the life of a COUPLE battling irregular menstrual cycles, you will NEVER understand what it is like. I TRULY hate this chick. She is the my arch-nemesis, and she must be stopped. She ruins birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, and relaxing weekends in general. I just hate her. She ruins everything.
We used to be friends, old Dreadful and I. As a matter of fact, when I was about eleven I couldn’t wait to meet her. We learned a little about her in class, and at the idea of this unknown thing being the barrier between me and my adulthood, I was chomping at the bit! Let me at this great unknown!
My friends and I were so ecstatic about attaining this great wonder that we stocked up on tampons and boxes of pads, though none of us had ever seen even a hint of anything coming. Yet we compared notes about whether or not we were crabby, or if we felt even a little bit “funny”. Nothing.
It took another two months for them, and six months for me, until we joined the “grown woman” club. Imagine my friggin surprise when I learned that NOTHING had changed. Nothing was different. There was no great curtain pulled back. There was no secret land of grown women that I gained access to. It was a sham! I’d been bamboozled. Run amuck! Led astray! You get the picture.
And now…now I’m stuck with this chick. This good for nothing broad who does NOTHING in my life but wreak havoc. First of all, she keeps no schedule. Of any kind. She’s comes and goes when she pleases like I’m just supposed to take whatever she gives me. She never calls before she comes either, she just opens the door and bursts through. No warnings, no indications, just “Hello Dolly!”. Leaves her bags in my hallway and commences to living it up.
When she shows up, usually unexpectedly, I can’t help but feel my mood change. Her very presence annoys me to no end, and I suddenly find myself angry and combative. Yeah, I know you may have heard this about women and this chick before, but no, I mean I don’t even make it out of the moment of realization that she’s arrived, before I’m slamming things and ready to kick a wall. She does it to me EVERY TIME. Drives me insane and makes me want to jump out a window. And I don’t know what’s worse in my emotions, the fact that she’s come, or the fact that she brings so much tension.
The chick is also quite prone to wearing out her welcome. I understand, and have ever since we first met, that she has to come. I know this. I know that there are usually WORSE problems under the surface if she doesn’t show up at all. But it’s like she doesn’t get that she doesn’t LIVE here. She’s not SUPPOSED to be here for months at a time. Who does that! Who just moves in on people and decides to camp out for months on end?! She’s like a whiny kid that won’t get of their parents bed because they’d rather pretend that they didn’t know they were blockin! She makes me tired and uncomfortable in my own body and I want to just scream, “FINE, you can have the damned thing!”, and pack my bags.
Did I also mention that this broad is untidy? I like to keep a clean,…house. This chick has NO respect for that. She traipses through here like she owns the place and leaves turmoil in her wake. Cleaning up behind her is expensive and ongoing, and I’m just at my wits end by the time she leaves.
And as if all of those things weren’t enough to deal with, my main issue with her, is that she’s never even had the decency to keep up her end of the bargain. She’s supposed to have this great relationship with the Stork. Well, they must be in serious negotiations when it comes to me and my life because she never comes back with good news. In fact, her coming at all is symbolic of there being no news at all and she comes back even faster when she suspects I’m feeling hopeful. So that there I sit, mouth poked out, with nothing to report. Nothing to celebrate. Nothing to rejoice over. Just pain and aggravation.
So I’ve decided, that she and I are enemies.
There’s no use trying to talk me out of it. No need to tell me how much of a strong word, hate is. Nope. It is final. I have put up with her antics for too long. I’ve had enough. What is her actual POINT in my life? The evil wench is out to destroy me. And to think I waited all that time to meet her. Was the LAST girl in class to be introduced…and this is how she treats me? ME?!
I hate her.
And the sad thing, is that she obviously hates me right back.
How do I know?
Because whenever I think I’m rid of her, there she is again.
Good morning, Heartache, sit down.
((hugs))
Ya know, lately I've been doing a metformin/progesterone combination and I must say, I'm in love with the regularity and control of it. Don't be afraid to take a break from the rollercoaster of irregulation and regulate that broad yourself!
I mean… I just effectively delayed her for my July 4th beach plans and thought "eff you take *that*" lol!!!
Minority Midwife
I know I hate her too.,,I hate (even after the boys) the way she just doesn't change, she's like that one boyfriend you keep counting on only to find out he's still cheating, still not cleaning his own apartment and still lying about where he was…you want her to be better, kinder, etc and she just stays the way she is…UGH/
you can HATE her….I totally agree.
I hear you…my cycles were SO irregular throughout our struggles with infertility…now that we're going to have to jump back into trying again & treatment I'm not looking forward to the craziness of my unpredictable cycles…it sucks!
MM – Thanks girl, I used to be the queen of that. I was so annoyed and frustrated at one point that I just went three months on straight bcp's! I knew it was probably unhealthy, but I was so flustered, I didn't think I had a choice. This month has been weird…Almost…dare I say it,..normal!
Hey Daisy! Exactly!!!! She is no respecter of person, status, or temperament. Just an evil wench.
Rebecca, I wasn't sure that was you posting! Your strength is admirable to say the least. I've been praying for you guys. Your positive attitude (tears included), is a motivator for me and so many others. God bless you and Nick!
That said, yes it is soo draining to have to be all over the place with this thing. And it makes your feelings so awkward because even-though it is the very thing that determines your success at pregnancy…you sometimes want to just donate the whole kit and caboodle to a science lab.