What I Hope I Never Lose

This week has been brought to me by the number 25(as in days until the gala), and the letter O for “overwhelmed”.

Can we talk?

*sigh*

From writing for all these different sites to simply responding to emails, I’ve had a hard time staying on track because I have been beating myself up, something serious. If I mailed something a day later than I said I would, I was upset with me. If I didn’t respond to an email on time, I was mad at me.  I’ve just been emotionally up and down. But I know this is a trick of the enemy.  This thing has fallen together so amazingly, that I just can’t imagine it not being successful…so, later for all that.  Even still,  I’ve had to turn off phones and emails a couple times this week. Just for my sanity.  The dude and I kept my niece Karla since her parents both started school this week  and she doesn’t go back to pre-school until next week.  She has been getting ALL my attention. (as usual, The Dude would say) And she’s been a bit of a stress reliever.

However, in the midst of my mini-breakdown, the most touching things that have come about have been from my the men in my family.

First, my dad.
He works at this big mission here in Chicago that houses and in some cases rehabilitates men and women for various reasons. Some are as bad as getting out of jail or kicking drug habits while others are as mild as needing someplace to stay while they try to refocus on God. My dad himself graduated from one of their religious programs last year and decided to stay on as staff. Anyway, he calls me Monday and left a message about a friend who wants to buy tickets  to the A.H.A. Gala but can’t afford it.

To be honest, I was simply stunned that he had taken the info to the mission. I don’t know why, but to put it plainly, I’ve gotten a lot more support from my non-family recently in regards to the gala, so I’d been a bit down about that.  Anyway, I called him back and he tells me that a friend of his that is in one of the programs there wants to buy two tickets for him and his girlfriend, who has PCOS but can’t afford the full-price. I was so moved…I reduced the price of their tickets so that they could attend.  He put the friend on the phone and he was just so grateful, not just at my reducing the price, but for me even having this event…I was soooo humbled.  What a great nugget for me, and from such an unexpected place.

My lesson: YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU ARE BLESSING and HOW you are going to connect with them.
I’m grateful to my daddy for being open about this event, and I’m proud of this young man for standing up for his lady.

My second “awww” moment comes from The Dude . He was at work and pulling his bus in for the night.

#BusDrivingLesson: When the drivers pull in, there are other workers whose job it is to come and remove the cash from the day.

Anyway, When the “box puller”,as they’re called went to remove the box, he noticed that Jahbari had put pluggers for the gala on the job’s community board.  He stopped what he was doing to tell my Dude,

“Man, your wife should be proud! My wife is on her blog all the time!”

I mean, what you want me to do with that?! That just floored me emotionally.  I don’t know if I’m just a wreck because the gala is so close, or if I’m just a sap anyway, but both of these instances have had me in tears just thinking about them.  They have been greatly instrumental in my putting things into perspective.

First of all,  the fact that I am doing the very thing I LITERALLY always said I would be doing, writing, is a blessing. I can’t take that for granted just because I’m tired.  The very fact that so many other people like my writing enough to feature it on their sites is a blessing and an honor that I refuse to take lightly.  Do I miss my students? Yes.  Do I miss my paycheck?  Darn tootin.  Would I trade what I’ve gotten accomplished in the past six months?  Not on your life.

Second, I’m grateful that without a backup plan, The Dude and I have been afloat despite my unexpected and abrupt unemployment.  Has every day been awesome?  Nope.  Have we had some, “um, peanut butter and jelly, anyone”, nights?  You bet.  Do we doubt that every night without fail, our God will provide us with dinner?  Nope.  We have eaten, haven’t been evicted, we aren’t hiding our car, and we can laugh in the midst of it all.  Not to mention, plan an amazing event.

I guess I’m too close to it to actually feel like I’ve gotten much done, even-though the results prove otherwise.   From the beginning, I’ve been asking for help, practically begging for it, and now I’ve realized that (in a very Dorothy Gale fashion), everything I needed was in me all along.  From press releases, blog design, and social marketing, I’ve become a powerhouse for advocacy.  This whole experience has proven to me that I’m extremely stronger and more powerful than I usually believe myself to be.

When I was about to cancel postpone the gala back in February after losing my job, a special person stepped in to say, “No, I’ll front you”.  When I was about to flip about not knowing how to go about doing any of this I’ve been doing, people have contacted ME.  Matter of fact, whenever I’ve been prepared to doubt, or question or simply throw a tantrum,…God has provided a way for me to get it done.  I am grateful.  I trust we’ll have an outstanding time at our event and all will be well.

I’ve watched so many others give up their sites, or their missions because it didn’t catch fire as quickly as they wanted it to.  Others have abandoned them when things changed for the better, and the place to vent was no longer necessary.  I hope I don’t ever lose the resistance to either of those.  I hope I never lose this fervor and tenacity for A.H.A.  And most importantly, I hope I’m giving a little of that spark, to you.