I hope I didn’t scare folk off….LOL. I have taken a step back for a few days because it was all coming out negative, and I didn’t want to be “that blogger”. But I also decided that if this thing is going to work, I’m gonna have to be me. As honest and open and even angry as I want to be.
Which brings me to another point.
I am a Christian.
Yeah, I know that has nothing to do with what we’re talking about, but in a way, it does. I have a problem with Christians who stifle each other. I don’t agree with people who, when they hear someone openly expressing their frustration, try to throw up “Well you need to pray more”, or “You shouldn’t complain”, or the worst, “Be careful what you wish for, cause you might get it”. Those comments really tick me off. People have no idea how isolated they can cause someone to feel because of that. If I already feel alone and upset, I really don’t need you questioning or making ME question my faith. It is a low blow and one that I think too many people dish out without thinking.
Now, this seems like something that is coming out of left field, but trust me, I have a point. There are studies, (call me a bad librarian but I ain’t gonna look for them right now), that point out how as a result of slavery and the reconstruction era, African Americans are more inclined to draw on family and extended family connections than some other races. We are also more inclined to be strict with our religious convictions.
These things can ALSO lead to the taboo put on reproductive health issues.
“Maybe its God’s will you can’t have no babies”
“God knows more than you, so just be still”
“You trying to force God’s hand”
Etc.
Now this is not to say that in some cases, you can’t look to your spiritual beliefs for “answers” to what you struggle with. That is not my point. My point is, don’t try to stifle my human feelings with a spiritual reprimand. It can do more harm than good, and in the end, change someone’s beliefs and feelings altogether!
So, all that being said,
I have NOT lost my faith in my God.
I do believe that God’s word gives me the assurance that ALL things work together for my good.
I DO believe that there is a higher power at work with my situation and that there is a reason that is not for me to see right now.
AND, I can know all of that and still honestly and boldly declare,
THIS THING SUCKS!
And I trust that my God understands that and is not going to “punish” me for feeling.
This was on my heart, hope it helps someone.
I must say – I love your blog! It really hit home for me and I know exactly how you feel. Last year I was diagnosed with Endometriosis (which affects the lining of the uterus). People have told me the same things like "When God is ready, He will do..", and "this and that". However it doesn't excuse the frustration behind infertility as it creates emotions that humans feel about other things. All of my friends have children and at this point in my life, I think it is really beginning to affect me. Thanks for creating this, and I look for more interesting reads!
Ms.SkinDeep, thanks so much! I really appreciate your words! Girl, I'm trying my best to just state what I am thinking most of the time. Holding all this in, couldn't be good for the spirit, and it can only help others to share. Thanks so much for hanging out in my little space on the web, and I will try my damndest to keep runnin my mouth.