So Tell me…What’s Your Motivation?

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There is quite a large group of people who would love to have a child bless their home.  The number of people who want this seemingly simple favor from fate, is staggering. Such a basic desire, yet due to a myriad of circumstances, there are now so many who seek out alternative ways of achieving this goal.  It is pursued relentlessly.
Sometimes though, I wonder what other reasons are lingering at the heart of the desperation.  And as I thought about that, a few other questions began to nudge me.
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Right now, in my world, things are good.
My husband and I can financially sustain ourselves.
Aside from asthma and diabetes, we have no MAJOR health issues.
Our relationship is stable.
We are comfortable.
But what if things were to change?
Just random, out of the blue, change that alters that comfort?
Would I right now be in a position to care for a child  born with severe profound medical issues?

Do I have money saved to accomodate the needs of a child who is born in need of immediate medical care or surgery?
Can I afford to support my child if there were any change in my marital status?
What are my thoughts on c-sections, epidurals and breastfeeding?
Can I handle talking to my child about war, poverty, and death.

These are the thoughts that most people who desperately want a baby are far too wary of dealing with.  Ironically, these are the very thoughts that everyone who is even considering bringing a life into this world should be thinking on.  This is the world in which we live, and how dare we bring others into it without at least considering what we are bringing them into.
It’s not wrong to want to create life, but it is irresponsible to not truly examine the reasons for that want and the requirements that may come with it.

What is your motivation?

When I originally became a member of the embattled, tough girls of infertility lifestyle, I thought the best way to make myself strong, was to completely act un-phased by things that were the cliche discomforts for infertile women.  The textbook cases of teen-pregnancy haters, bitter stepmothers, and weepy weak women who couldn’t bare to lay eyes on children until they had their own.  But I have to admit, it is extremely easy to slip into feelings of inadequacy compared to other women.  So with that in mind, combined with the rather heavy questions above, I began to really start to question myself more thoroughly.  Why want a baby anyway?

Is it to feel adequate compared to other women, men and families?
Is it to show parents and others how we feel a child should be raised?
Is it  really a yearning for “mini-me’s” in whom we can carry out vicarious dreams of how we wish our own childhoods had been?
Or do we really want to create a piece of hope for this world through the bringing forth of more successful and moral families?
What is propelling you so dynamically that you are willing to go through whatever necessary to achieve the parenting goal?

I’m still working over my reasons, but whatever your reasons may be, remember to think past the longing.  Think beyond the cute Prada babybag.  Think of the future.  Think of the full picture.  So many are taking it for granted, please help balance the stakes.

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