Cultural Interpretations

There is a lot to be said for activists.  They have to be willing to speak when everyone else wants to be quiet.  They have to be willing to stand up when everyone else wants to rest.  They have to be willing to stifle the part of themselves that wants to just “be like everyone else” or “rest”.  And they have to defeat these hurdles, daily.  Sometimes hourly.

So I suppose you can’t get upset at the fact that there aren’t more.

In my few years on this planet, I’ve encountered more than my share of things I feel I have to “Take A Stand” about.  I’ve fought over principalities more than most.  I mean from debating teachers over ill-gotten grades, to shouting from the rooftops about stolen civil-liberties.  I tend to rant.  Often, those around me are either one of two things: 1.)Greatly amused and condescending or 2.)Appreciative and supportive.

When my pile in the #1 column grows largest, I tend to take it pretty hard.  I never can understand whether or not I’m crazy for going “in” about these things, or if the rest of the world is crazy for not being as incensed as I am.   But in this battle for which the Broken Brown was founded, I have to say, I’m glad to have a large column of #2’s, and even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be half as confused about where I stand.  I KNOW this is a fight that should be fought.

So, what brings me to this quip at 4am?
I’m glad you asked.

I have somehow aligned myself with a lot of “militant black chick”-esque movements.  I don’t really know how it happened, but it has, and I was not expecting for it to be as brow-raising as I guess it is.  In the interest of time, I will only address the two movements that I have gotten the most backtalk about: Chocolate Brides.com and this, The Broken Brown.

The statement that I tend to get, though NEVER through anyone bold enough to bring it directly to me, is ,

“Why does it have to be focused on Black women?”

For serious?  You really have to go there?  {Sigh}
Well, to be as blunt as possible, its because the focus on everything BUT black women is implied.  Its not a negative.  Its not in reverse-prejudice.  Its not a tactical hate measure. Its out of a need.  A need for representation and identity.

Let’s chat a bit about inferences.  Let’s say you are from a traditional Italian family.  You’ve moved away from your family, and homesick one night, you go for a stroll to find something to eat.  You happen onto a lovely little restaurant and decide to try it.  It seems friendly enough, and its very inviting, but when you sit down you notice that the menus are all written in French, the wait-staff all have French names and speak with French accents.  The music playing is in French.  Looking around you notice that every dish you see on people’s tables are French cuisine.  What kind of restaurant is it?  There, look at you, you just made an inference, and you reached your conclusion because it was implied.  The restaurant could be called Sally Joe’s House of Eats and you would STILL come to the conclusion, based on everything else, that it is indeed a French restaurant.

Now, let’s say what you really wanted was a hot bowl of authentic spaghetti.  Do you think you’re in the right restaurant for what you need?
No.  You probably want the Italian restaurant up the street.  Now, if you leave that restaurant to get the cuisine that fits what you want more accurately, are you being a racist?  Are you favoring Italian people over French people?  Are you saying Italian food is better than French food? Are you even saying French restaurants can’t make spaghetti?  No.  You’re saying, “Hey, its great that you guys are eating  Ratatouille, but I’d like some authentic Italian spaghetti”.

A friend of a friend asked, when told about the upcoming Broken Brown Gala;

“Why is she focusing on African American Women?  All women struggle with infertility.” 

I hope this answer finds her well.  I focus on what is a relevant gap in our information structure.  While I am EXTREMELY aware of, and empathetic to, the battle of ANY woman or couple who has to face this intrusive and devastating diagnosis, I am also in dire straits because of the image that my community, along with the media, has shown me.  I have been shown from a very early age, that teenage pregnancies in the black community are rampant but normal and epidemics anywhere else.  I have been shown images that portray black women as over-sexual breeders who consistently leech off of  and manipulate the welfare systems.  I have been shown images of single black mother after single black mother, with many children by different fathers. I have quotes like, “Black folk don’t give our kids up”, emblazoned in my ears, while knowing full well that I’ve known more black foster kids in my life than I care to number.

When you hear and see tilted representations of yourself in most avenues, you begin to question whether the problem is that YOU are the weird one for not fitting them, or if the images themselves are wrong.  I’ve decided the latter.  I know just as many successfully married families as I do single parents.  I know just as many adoptive parents in the African American community as I do in others.  I know just as many African American Brides as I see Caucasian brides in the bridal magazines.  And I’ve decided to showcase that.  I won’t apologize for it.  I won’t keep explaining it.  I’ll just keep working as hard as I am, so that eventually, I won’t NEED to do it.

Make no mistake, infertility affects 7.3 MILLION people in the United States.  1 in 8 couples are dealing wit this right now(source).  And for that pain to go away, I will continue running my mouth about it, and I don’t care if the afflicted are brown, blue, green, or purple.  BUT, for that little brown girl, who sees the same images I did, and believes herself to be the minority in her own minority,…I must continue to speak as well, and I won’t shut up.