I been told yall that Infertility is Bigger than Babies….
Last month, thanks to a generous grant from the Ms. Foundation for Women, I was able to join advocates from across the country at the Shades of Blue Maternal Mental Health Summit in Houston, Texas. Together, we fellowshipped, encouraged one another, and networked ways to continue amplifying Black voices in reproductive justice and shaping a future where care is equitable for all. Here’s some of the lessons I brought home with me.
Day 1: The Retreat
I was running late for the retreat because I overslept. Instantly I was in my feelings about being late, missing breakfast, and being that person. But I told myself not to let my feelings about being late stop me from going down. And I was so glad I did because not only was there still breakfast, but the environment was welcoming and relaxed. Unlike other working retreats, there was no set “timeline” of what we needed to do. Instead, we spent time getting to know one another, resting, and being heard. We were fed breakfat, lunch, and even snacks. Do you know how much of a relief it is to not have to THINK of what to eat?
There was a henna artist, a goodie bag, and even someone to do B12 supplements for us. It was sublime.
So…my first two lessons:
Lesson #1 IT’S OKAY, JUST SHOW UP
Lesson #2 Show Up FULLY ME
When I realized that the day didn’t have a family agenda but was actually designed for rest, I settled. I allowed myself freedom to transition out of “on”.
I even went up to my room and changed into my fuzzy socks and grabbed my planner stickers.
Kay and Sierra of Shades of Blue had deemed this a sacred space. Their demeanors were calm and authentic. So I followed their lead.
Lesson #3 Be easy. Be water.
So we meditated, ate, snacked, talked, laughed, and umm hmm’d. From 9:30-3:00.
Unapologetically.
And I truly did what I could to be present. I listened, (hopefully more than I talked). I told myself to lighten up. I affirmed, or rather I let the day affirm that I am worthy of the time to recharge. That rest is a requirement. That acting like it wasn’t, is what burns us out.
I socialized. I was PRESENT. And that mattered.
Day #2 WE CHOOSE JOY
The actual conference began and I had a full day of sessions.
The opening session was a beautiful and encouraging on by Monica Simmonds about how to keep our spark.
Session 2 was about Obstetric Violence and the ways we as a community can work together to educate ourselves, our clients/patients, and clinicians themselves. We talked about how culture plays into our intrpretation of concepts such as informed consent as we operate as a village.
Session 3 was a roundtable with Kay herself, that included getting the opportunity to learn about some of the other amazing women of color who were there.
Session 4 was my friend Shatiera Amankrah from Seeds of Hope Infertility Counseling discussing how perinatal providers can better understand the complexities of pregnancy and parenting after infertility.
That evening, we enjoyed the Night of all Causes gala, which was also a vibe.
Day #3 Community
The final day was bittersweet. After just a few days of getting to know one another and share how we could serve the reproductive and mental health and justice communities, we had bonded. But the sessions were JUST as good.
Opening Ceremony featured Dr. Monica McLemore – a renowned professor, nurse, educator, and overall powerhouse – who reminded us that while this moment in history is challenging,…it will pass, and we must choose joy, rest, and community, to be prepared for the after.
I also attended a session on building community with Goody Howard, and an amazing session on Maternal Mental Health through the lens of the Black Family spectrum by Jessica Roach of ROOTT, that almost had me in tears.
Above is a pic of me with Dr. Monica Macklemore, Dr. Joia Crear-Perry @drjoia , Jessica Roach @jmarieroach , and Sona Smith of the Ms. Foundation @msfoundation .
This moment meant so much to me. These women, these sisters, poured so much into us and educated us, but more than that, the JOY on their faces and in their rooms, even when (as usual when it comes to black women and how we educate), even as they were sharing heavy, hard, difficult truths, the smiles the winks, the knowing glances to one another… It was just transformative, and I needed to stand with them and just feel a little bit more of their energy to take home with me because this work is hard. This work is heavy, but as the brilliant and beautiful, Jessica said while we were in her session as she discussed her organization ,…there is joy.
Each of them expressed how there has to be a way. We have to have joy in the midst of everything. that’s how we’ve always done it. That’s how black women have always done it.
Our resistance is in our smiles.
To the @shadesofblueproject team, and the indomitable Kay Matthews.
Thank you.
For this work.
For this week.
Kay, thank you for the Big Sister energy I didn’t realize was running low.
Y’all, every single atom of this Summit was intentional, kind, joy-affirming, and rooted in our culture.
The Black Maternal Mental Health Summit was a testament to leading by example. We didn’t just learn how to care for the hearts of those we serve; we were served and, in that way, shown.
Gratitude.