Yeah,…it probably does, but I gotta get it out or my head will explode.
First of all, one of my usual disclaimers: This post will be rant-like, but you guys are used to that.
Secondly, let me first say, “Hey Beyonce girl, Congrats!”
Alright, now that I got that out of the way….
Beyonce’s pregnancy news will (continue to) suck. Note how I didn’t say her pregnancy. JUST the news.
As I’ve said before, I try VERY hard not to hate on pregnant folks. Their blues ain’t like mine. I work on keeping my rants to a minimum. Ultrasound Facebook pics don’t really upset me, nor do most pregnancy announcements in general. I’ve trained myself to just let things roll off for the most part. I’m comfortable with where I am on my plan so that keeps me from envying other people’s.
But for all my gun talk….sometimes I still die yellow.
Here I was, minding my own business, checking Facebook, when BLAM, the Beyonce announcement hit my news feed. My first thought was, “aw, congrats”,…but then the accompanying pictures came through in that stellar red dress and for some reason my “feeling some-kinda-way” meter just went haywire.
She was so damn cute. And it was just so damn perfect how a couple months before she’d told a journalist that “yes, I think I’d like to have children in the next year or so”, and voila! (Though I think she was already preggers when she started dropping those hints.) Also, since my personal bio-clock has been in full rant concerning my impending 30-hood…it was another stab that she put the news out a mere couple weeks before her 30th birthday.
By that last one…I believe my face resembled Kelly’s when Bey left the group.
Sh*t got real.
Then came the blog posts and entertainment news blips. I swear to you that one site I frequent had an animated pic of her flinging open her jacket to have a sticky-sweet belly rub while Jay gleamed in the front row, and I literally melted out of my computer chair.
I decided then and there that my feelings were definitely mixed concerning the Carters and their new bundle. Not because of them. No, I’m quite happy for them. But because of the people.
You know The People. The people who change their profile pics to that of Beyonce’s tummy. The people who will clamor for the first shots of her baby shower. The people who will read into each and every note she sings for the next however many months to declare that all love songs are to the baby. The people who will not allow me to do what I need to do to keep moving, which is basically ignore her.
If a friend talks all pregnancy all the time on her page…you avoid her page.
If a relative has all her preggo pics plastered on her page…you don’t visit.
When a celebrity gets knocked up, there are NO escape routes.
When a celebrity such as Beyonce gets pregnant, there are no escape routes, no hiding places, no safety nets and no evacuation sirens. You’re stuck.
This thing is going to go on at full speed ahead, you know. People are going to make her the pinnacle of all things pregnancy. She’s going to be EVERYWHERE, and I won’t be able to turn her off. And neither will you.
Just today there were three NEW stories about everything from her impromptu mommygab with her gal-pal Gwyneth and her baby sis Solange, to the rumor of “hidden messages” in her pregnancy(wtf?).
I mean, I know this is irrational. I don’t know this chick. I mean we’ve almost met a few times. She performed at my high school once but I was out seeing Gwendolyn Brooks. My sister met her at an autograph signing, but I wiggled out of chaperoning. She calls herself Sasha Fierce,…I’ve got a dog named Sasha Fierce. But other than those things, she and I have never actually crossed paths, you know?
Yet….there’s something about her.
That reminds me of myself.
Definitely not her body, because well,…no.
Definitely not the singing, although I have been known to hold a tune.
But something about that daddy’s girl, older sister, I’m innocent but always accused of being the bad guy, kill em with kindness and success thing she’s got going for her tugs at me in some ways.
We were kinda doing a parallel life thingy(in my mind)…and she passed me up.
Does the fact that I almost can’t stand how perfect her sh*t has lined up…make me a hater?
Probably.
Does that make me feel any less some-kinda-way-ish?
Not really.
What it has done, though, is provided me with an obviously much-needed refresher course in how to guard my gates. I had gotten extremely too lax in allowing things in that could potentially knock me off my square. I have been thoroughly reminded of the importance of setting personal boundaries as well as storing away some pick-me-ups.
My current count for this year is 3 babyshowers. Two of which that I “did the games” for. I currently have FIVE pregnant friends, 1 pregnant cousin, and 1 pregnant aunt. Yay. While I’m excited and happy for all of them, (genuinely I promise), I do believe that I haven’t been good enough to myself to allow myself the time to back away and breathe. I fully believe that is why “the Beyonce news” floored me the way it did. I’d been holding in quite a bit of “Aw, DAMN!”, trying to be tough.
I don’t really have a solution in this post, as much as I’d hoped that writing it would provide me with one. Sorry about that. LOL Getting it out has helped me feel a little better though. So that’s one positive, I suppose.
I HEAR you! I was a little taken aback by the Beyonce news, but it was easier than seeing three pregnancy announcements on Facebook one morning last year, followed by the births in April and May, but I always think ‘it’s not my season to be a mother…but it’s coming.’ Only way to get through – one way or another, all of us ‘birthing challenged’ men and women will be the ones sharing pictures of our growing families, and I can’t wait for that (although I won’t be splashing everything on Facebook!)
Hugs to you!
PS Turning 30 is actually pretty cool. Edging towards 40? Not so much 🙂
I totally get it. I love Beyonce. I can’t help it. She’s gorgeous. She can sing. She can dance. Plus I’m essentially still a 12 year old girl when it come to my music taste (as in, I adore Britney and saw her live with the Pussycat Dolls and LOVED IT).
Anyway. There was definitely something about the Bey pregnancy announcement that stung. And it almost seemed not like her. And that is based on absolutely nothing at all because I don’t nothing about her outside of what is presented in the media. But the whole show of it on TV and the holding the baby bump. It was actually kind of tacky. And this is from one of the classiest (for the lack of a better word) celebrities out there. And she’s always reserved about her personal life. Didn’t she have a super secret wedding and didn’t even talk about being married in public for a while? So yeah. Her pregnancy (or rather, as you point out, the media circus around it) is kind of annoying.
And I get the whole 30 thing too. I just turned 29, and that hurt. And again, to bring it back to Bey, isn’t it just perfect that she squeezed that pregnancy in while she was still in her 20s? Granted she’ll have the baby when she’s 30, but she got pregnant in her 20s. I don’t know. Somehow that seems significant to this time and age-obsessed infertile.
There was definitely something about the Bey pregnancy announcement that stung. And it almost seemed not like her. And that is based on absolutely nothing at all simply because I don’t nothing about her outdoors of what is introduced in the media. But the whole display of it on Television and the holding the infant bump. It was actually type of tacky.