I haven’t done one of these in a while, perhaps because everyone has been pretty darn quiet on the infertility front celeb-wise. But Dawn Robinson deserves a nod.
A few years back, I had the displeasure of sitting in a radiology waiting room with a 40 year old black woman who was being tested for fibroids. She had no idea what fibroids were. She was scared and alone, with a look on her face that said clearly how terrified she was about the x-ray itself, but also these tumors her doctor carelessly told her she may have. My heart broke for her, and for the countless others who had probably sat in the same seats, thinking those same terrifying thoughts.
So tonight, for Dawn to openly discuss her removed fibroids as well as the endometriosis she’d also been diagnosed with, was huge. But let’s not just stick with that. No. Dawn has done so very much in the past few weeks of R&B Divas L.A., with just her honesty and vulnerability, that I don’t know that I could have asked for a better spokesperson.
In a touching scene as the divas engaged in a marriage ceremony to commit to themselves, Dawn spoke some words that were so heartfelt, that I had to copy them down instantly and share them.
“If I can conceive a child, I would be so grateful, but if I can’t, I have to forgive that. I have to be honest with myself about it and if that can’t happen…it’s okay. I love myself regardless. I’m not less of a woman because I can’t. I do feel like that. I do. Because part of being a woman was that you can carry a child and I haven’t. That’s important. I have to be okay if I can’t, and just accept that. It’s very hard. A very big part of my life is to be a mother, and I have the nurturing spirit that never goes away so it’s okay if I don’t. And I have to forgive that part. I say it, but I really have to do it. Accepting. It’s so easy for some women. And for others…”
I was staring at the tv like,
Did she just get real with the people?!
She DID.
The very next week, she invited the cameras to accompany her as she took her first trip to the fertility clinic, where her doctor gave a less than hopeful, but finally REAL, look at the state of women’s eggs and fertility as we age. A week later, and we joined her for not only a meeting on adoption from foster care, but also a holistic fertility center. It was at this location where she said something else that rang true as something many infertiles have thought but can’t say out loud.
“I look at so many people who live less than healthy lifestyles, and yet,…they’re pregnant. And it makes me think, what’s wrong with me?”
WELL Preach then, ma’am!
So THANK YOU, Dawn. Someone, somewhere was able to open a conversation with a friend or family member with that very first tear-filled scene. They were able to say, “Hey, THAT is how I’ve felt”. It was easier for them to make it clear that they are still wanting of families regardless of their ages, previous “female” issues, or even their relationship status.
You have opened a door, and filled a kinship void that is not one to easily be forgotten. As a member of the infertility community, and a woman of color, I am extremely grateful.
Too bad it was completely faked and she took advantage of women everywhere by lying about her entire storyline. She knew she couldn’t concieve before she even came on the show. She claims this victim schtick and her ex is suing her and the network, her castmates cant stand her and america is sick of this chick ruining every project she has ever touched that the public embraced with her whining and nonsense. I for one am offended as a black woman that a woman so blessed with so many gifts is so entitled. Bless you and your situation but Dawn is a phony.
I feel really bad for Dawn but women MUST learn early in life that fertility and the viability of your eggs are NOT tied to how good you look or how healthy you are. Your eggs’ quality and quantity will definitely decline with age. By 35, egg quality and maybe quantity have already started declining. Also, remember that birth defects, especially chromosomal abnormalities like Down Syndrome are more common with older eggs. Don’t be fooled by seeing celebrities having babies well into their 40s and beyond. You do not know if they used donor eggs or what and it is NOT their responsibility to tell us if they did. That is PERSONAL business and between them and their families. Start educating yourself about your fertility and if you can, you can even have your egg quality tested to make sure you are not one of the women who sometime go into early menopause, which can make you stop producing eggs or cause their quality to be so poor that they are not visble. PLEASE EDUCATE YOURSELVES AND WOMEN YOU CAN TALK TO ON A PERSONAL LEVEL. I pray for all women who for whatever reason could not be mothers and wanted to be.
Being a black woman who is suffering from infertility and has felt like Dawn has felt…who is it to say that she hasn’t been trying for years,… Yes your egg quality and age are a big part of getting pregnant, but there are in fact several younger women under 30, who are struggling with infertility too. It effect 1 and 6 couples and really more because there are a lot of women in relationship where they don’t use plan but they don’t prevent and it still they manage to not get pregnant. They might called it a blessing to not get pregnant while having sex and not using protection but after a year…they should be called infertile too. The sad thing about being infertile is you don’t know it until you cross that bridge…so to assume that a 21 year old who is focusing on her career and is single would asks her doctor about egg quality is kind of premature. But at the same time that 21 year old could have egg that by 30 might be too old and by 35 she might hit menopause…so it isn’t education that needs to be done before hand….it is education of infertility that needs to be encourage to all, regardless of if you suffer from it or not. Chances are you know 1 – 3 people who are dealing with it but never speak out about it. To assume that people who are going through infertility brought it upon themselves by “waiting” long is a hurtful thing to say and is a slap in the face to those going through it. Many of us are not over 35…many of us starting young in trying to conceive…only problem is that time doesn’t stop when you are infertile and you still age. I pray for women who will never go through infertility remember their blessing and for those dealing with infertility and have conquer it to reach back and encourage and educate other women dealing with it about the options and resources they have to get through it.
What.Januari.Said.