Does This Make Me A Hater?

Yeah,…it probably does, but I gotta get it out or my head will explode.

First of all, one of my usual disclaimers:  This post will be rant-like, but you guys are used to that.

Secondly, let me first say, “Hey Beyonce girl, Congrats!”

Alright, now that I got that out of the way….

Beyonce’s pregnancy news will (continue to) suck.  Note how I didn’t say her pregnancy.  JUST the news.

As I’ve said before, I try VERY hard not to hate on pregnant folks.  Their blues ain’t like mine.  I work on keeping my rants to a minimum.  Ultrasound Facebook pics don’t really upset me, nor do most pregnancy announcements in general.  I’ve trained myself to just let things roll off for the most part.  I’m comfortable with where I am on my plan so that keeps me from envying other people’s.

But for all my gun talk….sometimes I still die yellow.

Here I was, minding my own business, checking Facebook, when BLAM, the Beyonce announcement hit my news feed.  My first thought was, “aw, congrats”,…but then the accompanying pictures came through in that stellar red dress and for some reason my “feeling some-kinda-way” meter just went haywire.

She was so damn cute.  And it was just so damn perfect how a couple months before she’d told a journalist that “yes, I think I’d like to have children in the next year or so”, and voila!  (Though I think she was already preggers when she started dropping those hints.)  Also, since my personal bio-clock has been in full rant concerning my impending 30-hood…it was another stab that she put the news out a mere couple weeks before her 30th birthday.

By that last one…I believe my face resembled Kelly’s when Bey left the group.

Sh*t got real.

Then came the blog posts and entertainment news blips.  I swear to you that one site I frequent had an animated pic of her flinging open her jacket to have a sticky-sweet belly rub while Jay gleamed in the front row, and I literally melted out of my computer chair.

I decided then and there that my feelings were definitely mixed concerning the Carters and their new bundle.  Not because of them.  No, I’m quite happy for them.  But because of the people.

You know The People.  The people who change their profile pics to that of Beyonce’s tummy.  The people who will clamor for the first shots of her baby shower.  The people who will read into each and every note she sings for the next however many months to declare that all love songs are to the baby. The people who will not allow me to do what I need to do to keep moving, which is basically ignore her.

If a friend talks all pregnancy all the time on her page…you avoid her page.

If a relative has all her preggo pics plastered on her page…you don’t visit.

When a celebrity gets knocked up, there are NO escape routes.

When a celebrity such as Beyonce gets pregnant, there are no escape routes, no hiding places, no safety nets and no evacuation sirens.  You’re stuck.

This thing is going to go on at full speed ahead, you know.  People are going to make her the pinnacle of all things pregnancy.  She’s going to be EVERYWHERE, and I won’t be able to turn her off.  And neither will you.

Just today there were three NEW stories about everything from her impromptu mommygab with her gal-pal Gwyneth and her baby sis Solange, to the rumor of “hidden messages” in her pregnancy(wtf?).

I mean, I know this is irrational.  I don’t know this chick.  I mean we’ve almost met a few times.  She performed at my high school once but I was out seeing Gwendolyn Brooks.  My sister met her at an autograph signing, but I wiggled out of chaperoning.  She calls herself Sasha Fierce,…I’ve got a dog named Sasha Fierce.  But other than those things, she and I have never actually crossed paths, you know?

Yet….there’s something about her.

That reminds me of myself.

Definitely not her body, because well,…no.

Definitely not the singing, although I have been known to hold a tune.

But something about that daddy’s girl, older sister, I’m innocent but always accused of being the bad guy, kill em with kindness and success thing she’s got going for her tugs at me in some ways.

We were kinda doing a parallel life thingy(in my mind)…and she passed me up.

Does the fact that I almost can’t stand how perfect her sh*t has lined up…make me a hater?

Probably.

Does that make me feel any less some-kinda-way-ish?

Not really.

What it has done, though, is provided me with an obviously much-needed refresher course in how to guard my gates.  I had gotten extremely too lax in allowing things in that could potentially knock me off my square.  I have been thoroughly reminded of the importance of setting personal boundaries as well as storing away some pick-me-ups.

My current count for this year is 3 babyshowers.  Two of which that I “did the games” for.  I currently have FIVE pregnant friends, 1 pregnant cousin, and 1 pregnant aunt.  Yay.  While I’m excited and happy for all of them, (genuinely I promise), I do believe that I haven’t been good enough to myself to allow myself the time to back away and breathe.  I fully believe that is why “the Beyonce news” floored me the way it did.  I’d been holding in quite a bit of “Aw, DAMN!”, trying to be tough.

I don’t really have a solution in this post, as much as I’d hoped that writing it would provide me with one.  Sorry about that. LOL   Getting it out has helped me feel a little better though.  So that’s one positive, I suppose.