Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

Opening The Door on…Parenting After Infertility

Opening The Door On - Parenting After InfertilityThe following is an anonymous submission for The Egg’s 2015 National Infertility Awareness Week Blog Project, #BehindClosedDoors.  Most people assume that this is all about babies.  Not many people stop to think about what takes place after the babies are born.  Does the doubt ever go away?  The fear?  Not for many.

Here’s another look behind the door.


So everything will be fine once you have that baby. Right? Is what I thought. I think that’s a thought we all have. I’d be super mom and every heartache, depressed mood, crying episode would disappear as quickly as they came. But of course life is never that simple with infertility.

I guess the bottom line is that any experience that has had a life-altering affect, never really leaves you. The fire is gone but the smell is still there.

I guess it was naive of me to think something that held up my life for nearly 10 years would just disappear so easily.

Several thoughts play in my head over and over again on a regular basis. I often have thoughts that people are judging me through a different lens than they do other mothers. It feels as if I have to work harder because I wanted it more than the average woman.

I also live in my head more than I thought I ever would. From time to time I’m questioning if I’m doing everything right. Is the baby’s nose always clean, is he meeting every bench mark or is he he eating healthy enough! I know this is definitely a new mom thing but there is still an element of infertility associated with it.

What’s also frustrating is that all of my good friends kids are grown. So it’s hard for them to relate to me as a new mom. So while we are ecstatic to have our bundle of joy all of our friends kids are off to college.

The other thought is how to continue to build our family. IVF is hard and adoption is expensive. So will our baby be an only child or will we endeavor this difficult path once again??


The above was a submission to the Egg’s 2015 NIAW Project “Behind Closed Doors”.  If you would like to submit a post on what goes on behind the scenes of YOUR fertility journey.  Please consider sharing a submission by emailing me at Regina@thebrokenbrownegg.org

Submissions 2015

Real Talk

I’m gonna say a shitload of things.

Now, before I start on them, I want you to remember these four words okay:

I’m Not Going Anywhere

No matter how it sounds.

No matter what you think I’m trying to say.

At the end of this post, I want you to go back and remind yourself that I already told you those four words.

Okay?

 

Okay.

Now, let’s talk. (more…)

The Perks of Parenthood?

I’ve been working in education and childcare, officially and unofficially, for the past twelve years.  Aside from my personal love of books, it is what drove me to become a a youth services librarian.  My interest and love for youth engagement and academic achievement is something that is behind most every decision and viewpoint that I have.  Because of this, it is often even rougher to not be a parent. Rougher still when people make distinctions.

It is the conundrum of being Parental, but not a Parent.

In three different situations last week, I was faced with the sometimes blunt dismissal and division of the childless, child”free”, etc.  I figured I should explore them.  So here we go: (more…)

Random Thoughts…

Some things on my mind today.  You may or may not agree or like them.  But then…this is my blog, right?  Right.
My list:
  • My Husband turned 30 this week. (Happy Birthday Dude!)…and with that birthday went any possibility of his being a dad “in his 20’s”.
  • I’m sure that in the top 12 thoughts of all people who discover their infertility, is the phrase: “And to think of all the money I spent on condoms!”Photobucket (more…)

Transparent

I’m in an awkward, awkward state of affairs at the moment.

While most bloggers and writers suffer from writer’s block and the feeling of having “nothing to say”, I’m feeling quite the opposite, but with similar results.  Not only do I have things to say, but I have too many things to say.  There are tons of tales and stories of the epic battle between my feelings and my progress, as well as a few scandalous rants that I just want to unleash.  Yet, I spend the wee hours of the morning writing to you about what I want to write, rather than just writing it.  Odd, huh?

You're Still Talking?

It is often hard for me to find clarity when my thoughts overlap and interfere with each other, and I’d rather not subject you to that.  Truthfully, I’m becoming a bit unnerved by the amount of things that I’m subjecting mySELF to. LOL  The transparency for which this blog has gained its momentum is not as easy a feat to uphold as some may think.  It is dreadfully hard for me to decide what to share boldly, and what to let fester in the corners of my mind for fear that I’ll run you guys all away.

For instance, (more…)

I Love YOUR Hair

The fantastically viral Sesame Street video, “I Love My Hair” has a special place in the hearts of African American moms and women all over the world it seems.  I watched it when it debuted last week and smiled gently, but decided it was not necessarily an “Egg-worthy” posting.  How wrong I was.

Joey Mazzarino

The song, which aired on October 4, was written by Sesame Street’s head writer, Joey Mazzarino.  Mr. Mazzarino wrote the song for five year-old Segi, his Ethiopian adopted daughter.  To hear this, placed an extremely large lump in my throat as it brought to mind the many other blogs and stories I’ve heard over the past two years of families who face this situation.  How do you tell your daughter how beautiful she is,…when she uses YOU as the standard for beauty, and she doesn’t look like you?

Green and daughter Miriam

The “Labor of Love” post from two years ago, which spoke of a Caucassian father’s journey into learning how to braid and style his African-American daughter’s hair, was a similar case.  In that story, Clifton Green and his wife also adopted their daughter, Miriam, from Ethiopia.  Green, an associate professor of finance at Emory University, spoke of his desire to be for his children what his own father was to him and how that encouraged his learning to braid Miriam’s hair.  He spoke of his father making him feel as though he could “hang the moon”, and how he wanted his own children to feel that they could do the same.  I’m sure that the outstanding love and admonishment he received from the community and world after seeing that it was him providing the braids, paled in comparison to the affection of his daughter.

This sentiment of learning how to appreciate and cultivate the heritage and esteem of their daughters, is what ties so many bi-racial families together.  It is also a sentiment that should be respected and supported by those of us who witness it.

While there are many reasons for couples to adopt from other countries and ethnicities, (and infertility is not always that reason), our community is one of the first places we should be providing support and encouragement.  As we are all a part of the same mission: Family Building, we know all too well how important it is that these families succeed at what they wish to achieve for their special little girls.

I was already quite touched by the song, but seeing that it was the product of a father,…and not just a father but one of a different race who wanted to show his daughter how wonderfully unique she was,…just made my heart grow three sizes.

In celebrating the beauty and wonder of this special bond, allow me to share  a few resources.

First, a couple of  touching articles on RainbowKids from the Caucasian mom of two special girls from Haiti, Sherri Gragg: More than Just Hair – published in 2006 and Hair Matters – published in 2007

Next, because you guys know me by now, I’m a book-owl.

I came across this book and blog, “Brown babies, Pink Parents” by Amy Ford, and thought I would share it with you guys.

Now, when I first saw the Sesame Street video, I immediately thought of the book with the same title, “I Love my Hair by Natasha Tarpley.  This book is AWESOME!! In it, Keyanna, who hates having her hair combed, starts to realize all the great things about her hair, (also very similar to the Sesame Street song).

A random search on the book, led me to this blog, Bloggin About Books, and there, I found a blogger with a passion for books to assist herself and other parents to understand the culture of their biracial children!

Her movement, is called Baby Steps to Understanding (Which I think is adorable), and she is promoting it via this cute button,

I don’t see any posts since February, but rather than reposting her list, I’d like you to head on over and visit!  Check out the cool list she’s started and get a little more info on her BabySteps initiative. Perhaps if we all visit, she’ll start it again.

Anyway, here is a shelf-full of books that I’ve read which are awesome for lifting the esteem of our daughters.  Enjoy them with a little lady you know!

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

(p.s.,…one of the books has a young lady on the cover when she was just a toddler who has very recently become a superstar in her own right.  Can you spot her?)

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