Posts Tagged ‘MrsTiye’

Sigh, Steve Harvey….

Well Eggshells, on the way in to work today, I found out that I’m going to have to go off on Steve Harvey. It’s confirmed. Every morning during his radio show, Steve and his co-host Shirley Strawberry, read what is called the “Strawberry Letter”. People write in seeking advice and Shirley and Steve respond. Usually, Shirley is the “good cop”, with sound advice and sympathetic answers, while Steve provides the blunt, sometimes aggressively humorous bad cop role. He is often serious at first, unless the letter is totally outrageous and then afterwards, will get a little more humorous and raunchy.


Well… this was the Strawberry Letter for today:

Hello Steve, Shirley, and Morning Crew. I am a 39 yr old woman with a wonderful husband. He is a God fearing man, that is an excellent provider, and the best husband that any woman could ask for. He is the most unselfish person that I have ever met. We desperately want to start a family but this past summer I was diagnosed with diabetes and ended up in ICU with a blood sugar of 980. The nursed said that I should have been in a coma. Well because of this the doctor told us that we really should try to wait a while before we try to conceive. I also have PCOS (Polysystic Ovary Snydrome) which is already an issue and now this. I feel like less than a wife because I can not give my husband the one thing that he wants the most. He is very supportive and never pressures me about this but, I really want to start a family with my husband. I feel terrible about this situation.

As someone who UNDERSTANDS this situation, I was immediately interested in what Steve and Shirley were going to say. Shirley said that the woman should be more focused on getting herself healthy and worry about having a baby later. Her tone was a bit annoying, but at least her point was well-taken.
Now Steve’s response:
“Lady, what the hell, you don’t need no baby. What do you want us to say? You ain’t even ask a question! You don’t need no baby. Adopt an abused circus animal. You already got posturepedic(PCOS), whatever it is, you ain’t even asking us anything. Your husband ain’t putting no pressure on you, why you putting it on yourself?”

“Have jungle sex three nights a week and tell your husband that if yall have a baby, you can’t do that no more. What you trying to have a baby for? Your blood sugar was 980!? That’s almost a 1000! You don’t need a 10000 of anything. Hell, you don’t need 1000 eyelashes!  Then you already got that PCOS, I don’t even know what that is, probably some woman’s issue. Why don’t you adopt a white baby to flip the script.  Why not just let somebody live in yall house.  Why you write us? Why you draggin us down into this?”

ARE YOU SERIOUS STEVE!!!!
I’m sorry, I was gone at “Adopt an abused circus animal”
ARE YOU SERIOUS!


I was so angry. Primarily because this is the EXACT reason infertility and family planning as a whole is so ignored in our community. This woman was not asking for Steve’s advice, she was asking for some form of support. Reaching out in the way that for most suffering with this issue, only know how to do. Did Steve say anything positive about the fact that the woman’s husband was a supportive one who loved her unconditionally? No. He chose to joke about sex and confuse that with the importance of women feeling adequate as FAMILY builders.


So, I took all that anger and penned a response to Mr. Harvey.  I hope it finds him.


*********************************************


Dear Mr. Harvey,

Congratulations on being the father of four children. I’m sure that they are the apple of your eye, your pride and joy, and your very reason for doing what you do. I’ve heard you from time to time referencing them with a glimmer of pride in your voice, and I know that you are a great father by the way you speak of them. Now, that being said, I wonder if you have ever likened your precious babies, two of which are only one year younger than I, to abused circus animals?

I ask this question because on today’s show, that is exactly what you prescribed to a woman who was struggling with infertility and who reached out to you. I ask you, as you look into the eyes of your children, do you ever honestly feel that they would be better equated to a week of “hot jungle love”, as you put it. I pose that question because you told this same writer that she should convince her husband that it was better to have sex than to yearn for offspring for fear that they might “ruin it”. Do you see where I’m going with this?

My statements may seem bold or out of line, but in all honesty sir, I am merely regurgitating to you the precise words and stance that YOU took so effortlessly during your show this morning. You see Mr. Harvey, the writer of the letter did not choose to fill her letter with rhetoric and nonsense about how awful her husband is, or how they sleep with other people, or he sleeps with her mother etc., but no, this particular writer instead gave you a full-on depiction of what is REALLY going on in some of our most positive homes in the African American community. She cast her pearls before you, and you turned around and not only did you trample them under your feet but you then turned again and attacked her.

I’m finding it hard to believe that a man who told a writer a few weeks ago that she should be more considerate of her husband’s age and “medical libido” when speaking about how disastisfied she was with their sexual life, could in turn be so unsympathetic when speaking of medical conditions that occur more often than libido problems. Granted, you are a comedian, and perhaps are better suited to adress letters of complete tomfoolery because they allow you to shuck and jive around while throwing out bits of information that any woman with common sense already knows, and I guess you just aren’t able to deliver the goods when in regard to a situation that requires care and tact. You had an opportunity today to open your listeners up to a serious issue that is literally RAVAGING the African American community, and instead you were insensitive and cruel.

Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome, as listed in Google Health, is a condition in which small cysts attach themselves to a woman’s ovaries, which impedes a woman’s chances of getting pregnant. Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS, affects 5%-10% of ALL women. Of that count, the only group with a higher case of PCOS diagnosis than African American women are Hispanic-American women. The chances of contracting PCOS are also INCREASED when a woman is diabetic. So, to break this all down for you, the letter you read today was from a woman who was ALREADY blocked in wanting to give her husband the gift of a new life, but then hitting another wall because now BOTH diseases are combating her chances, not to mention the fact that at 39 she is considered in many medical fields to be of “advanced maternal age”. But again, she wasn’t talking to you about stripping, or whether or not its okay to sleep with her husband’s best friend and wife, so you didn’t catch on to this particular chance to educate. Is that it? Or is it what I’ve suspected for some time now, that you are NOT in fact an educator at all, but merely a comedian who like all comedians are, is good at making everyday common sense funny? You see Mr. Harvey, it is far harder to truly TEACH our community about the importance of family building and healthy relationships than it is to make humorous the fact that they don’t KNOW right from wrong. I can get a lot more jokes saying, “Just make the plane out of the black box”, than I can by saying, “Learn your body, get immunizations, have regular pap smears, seek counseling for your reproductive mental health”. One topic is just not as funny as others.

There are some times that are not the time to laugh. There are some times, that are more for teaching. You had what we teachers call, a “teachable moment”, and you let it slip away.

I am a 28 year old, African-American daughter, wife, and teacher. I have, in my life, a 28 year old, AMAZING African-American husband, who has been to me, a better husband than I’ve seen in most 50 and 60 year old husbands in my family. He is a God-fearing man, the head of my household, my dearest friend, and the greatest piece of this world that God has ever trusted me with. Because of who he is, and all he does, I want nothing more than to give him someone he can pass his great attributes to, and someone in whom his own eyes he can see reflections. I want it more than anything. But unfortunately, until my own bouts with PCOS related complications and thyroid problems subside, I cannot.

It is the most heart-wrenching sight to see him doing everything he can to be the best husband God would want for me, while friends have children, younger family members have “accidental offspring”, etc. I yearn for someone to talk to about it. But in our community, Mr. Harvey, it is easier to speak about unprotected sex, STD’s, unplanned pregnancies, etc, than it is to find someone willing to openly and unashamedly discuss infertility. You sir, made it just that much harder this morning. You stated that the writer “didn’t ask a question”. She asked one, you just didn’t hear it. She was asking you to say, “It’s alright. Your husband loves you in spite of your afflictions. Your marriage is worth more than having a baby. You are valuable. You are beautiful. You are worthy of a good husband, regardless of your fertility”. But you didn’t tell her that. You told her to build a bridge and get over it.

I was disappointed this morning Mr. Harvey. As someone who is claiming to be a relationship guru, expert, or overall oracle for women to seek out for advice and support, you disgraced yourself this morning. You made yourself out to be an insensitive man of lowly moral character in whom none of us, perhaps not even your own daughters, should confide in for anything of substance.

However, I will say this, you have inspired me more than you know today. Infertility is not a curse that can’t be overcome. With medication, healthy lifestyle choices and other therapies, it can be beaten. The thing that must be beaten first, is the ignorance and lack of knowledge pertaining to it. Because of you, I have a renewed vigor to spread the word about infertility and family health in the African American community. YOU, have given me so much insight into how far we have yet to go in regards to health and awareness. I thank you for reminding me of how important it is to open my mouth about this plague and how it is surging through our diaspora.

It is my hope, that the next time a woman opens her heart before you, and lays out on your radio show ALL that is sacred in her world, you will regard it as such. It is my hope that you and your show take heed to the amount of weight your words and your movement has on the world at large. You have been given the greatest of responsibilities and I hope that I never hear you squander it that way again.

God Bless you, I believe you when you say He’s not finished with you yet, but keep growing.

Sincerely,
Regina M. Townsend
Creator – The Broken Brown Egg Blog

Photosource

Photobucket


Mrs.Tiye? Present.

Yes, I know, I’ve been absent…insert ashamed face here….don’t have one?  here you go   Free Smiley Courtesy of www.millan.net

Okay, so I had a lot to say, but in rare form, I didn’t have the words to get them out.
I wanted this blog to be more about information and support than anything else, but I’ve felt the urge to ease it into some other directions.  I will try my damnedest to stay on topic…but everything is everything so I have to get all this shit out.  Please excuse my verbal diarhea.

I’m blown.  Not like a little miffed, but seriously blown.  I feel like one thing is what I should be focusing on, but then life blows in with an entirely different  breeze.  For a few days I was in the angry infertile chick realm…then I wandered into just really sad, and now I’m in this strange haze of indifference and cloudy optimism.  Its like I think there’s a ground here to step out on, but I can’t see it at all, and I’ve already let my foot down pretty damn far.

I believe that this part of my life is actually very much opening my eyes to the amount of complacency I’ve been guilty of.  In so many areas of my life, I’ve let fear and comfort get in the way of what is right or even what I feel I should talk smack about!  This is so not me.  This is so not my style.  The old me would have told quite a few of these folk to get a scholarship to hell and leave me alone, but instead, I’ve been so caught up in maintaining this farce of success that I’ve let menial things and PEOPLE stop me from doing and saying what I know to be more my speed.

I’ve let this seep into my confidence about everything, including family planning.  I’d have questions I want to ask my doctor, but tell myself, “shutup, he has other patients, just get your prescription and go”.  I’ve had times at work where I’ve wanted to shout from the P.A. system, “THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT”, but instead, I smile and accept responsibilities which aren’t my own and try not to complain.  There is a fine line between being a good patient and team-work-driven employee, and just being a pushover.  I’ve been a pushover.

I’m really sick of being one.

I have struggled with these thoughts for the past few weeks that it has seemed like I’ve left you.  But aren’t you lucky? That little break has given me an enormous amout to talk to you about this evenin.

My facebook status today is, “

It was when I remembered myself and asked why I was not doing what once was like breathing, that I realized how much I’ve stifled myself….with complacency.”

And this is true.  I was journaling the other day and found myself writing one line, “Why don’t I write anymore?”.  When I sat and stared at the sentence, it caught me up for a moment because it was a damn good question.  I have been writing, stories, poems, fiction, articles, you name it, since I learned how to form sentences…writing for me has always been breath. But somehow, I’ve lost the time to even breathe.  

But, if you walk into a jail cell and slam the door on yourself , its hard to feel confident about snapping off, because its YOUR fault.  You did this to yourself.  You let that doctor tell you that the new experimental procedure wasn’t a good fit for you, without telling him you’ve researched it yourself.  You allowed that boss to limit your pay and potential.  But at a certain point, you have to forgive yourself and let it be known, “I apologize for misleading this situation, but its time for me to change it now.”

I’m apologizing to my readers, for my couple-week hiatus…I will do better, I got you.


But most importantly, I’m apologizing to ME, because I’ve taken a much lengthier break from being her, and I promise HER, I will not let HER life belong to other people, fear, or complacency, any more.

Photobucket

Sometimes I need my ass whooped.

So, a major part of this thing has got to be staying healthy. I know that. You know that. We all know that right? So WHY, do I have to beat my own ass everyday about forgetting to take my meds?! Its one little pink pill that keeps my thyroid in check and yet I can’t seem to remember it on a daily basis. Let me tell you how bad it gets.

Yesterday, in the waiting room of my Dr’s office, I SUDDENLY thought, “Oh SHIT! What if she checks my blood today? I didn’t take my synthroid” So, my eyes scanned the waiting room and Yipee. there was a water fountain right under the “Parenting” magazines. So I popped a pill and tried my best to snag a good mouthful of water without accidentally dropping the pill into the fountain. I had to look like an idiot, trying to hold my purse, push the fountain with my knee, and then my bracelet slipped off and I was just a weird mess.

Now, all that could have been avoided if I actually thought enough of my damn predicament to faithfully take my medicine in the morning like I’m supposed to. But I guess that would be too much like right, because I am CONSTANTLY Forgetting to take this medication.

Why do we as a people have to be coaxed and cajoled into doing crap that we’re supposed to do for our own good? Stuff like:
“Remember to brush your teeth”
“Drink 8 glasses of water a day!”
“Be Active, Fatty!”
“Hey idiot, eat breakfast every day!”

We have to come up with slogans and commercials to help people do things that will keep them alive. How stupid is that? Infertility aside, at the heart of The Broken Brown Egg, we’re talking about being HEALTHY. Black folk are not very good at taking care of ourselves. I gotta do better. And probably, so do you.

It’s not enough to look good in your clothes.

So, I’ve always been a big girl. Not necessarily HUGE, but I damn sure wasn’t a cheerleader. Again, this is something that isn’t altogether unheard of in the black community. Our community glorifies big butts and smiles. We talk all the time about down home cooking and grandmama recipes and we proclaim skinny bitches to be evil so that we can feel good about ourselves in our Ashley Stewart/Lane Bryant apparel.

And that’s cool. It’s great to see so many women be comfortable with their bodies nowadays. BUT, not if that woman is looking to have a baby.
As a woman who is pretty tall, my frame can support more weight than that of my shorter counterparts. And unlike most anorexics or other “big girls”, I usually see myself as pretty okay as long as my clothes look nice.

But that is NOT enough. Looking good in your clothes is just that, looking good IN your clothes. It is not necessarily healthy.

In the infertility game, this is also a struggle because its hard NOT to eat when you are so emotionally tossed around. I go up and down with this thing and my weight and I have to do better.

My doctor said something so profound to me today. She said, “We rush around all the time and don’t eat, then we go into starvation mode and what we eat gets stored instead of burned, and its one of the ways we show ourselves that we aren’t worthy. IF we thought we were worth it, and didn’t take ourselves for granted, we would take better care of ourselves” WOW.

So, my urge to my BBE sistas today is to fully investigate your body health. You’re worth it! And on the fertility aspect, if you were buying an apartment that was BEAUTIFUL on the outside but the former renter had left all kinds of junk lying around that you were UNABLE to move, would you rent the place? Well, how do you think a KID would feel trying to grow fingers and whatnot in a junky body?

1 7 8 9