Random Thoughts on Infertility
It’s personal and yet not so personal!
It is a fight to fill a space that your spirit demands be filled.
We need to talk about it, empower ourselves, empower each other … come out the dayum closet!
My daughter will know her journey to me, my journey to her, our journey to each other.
What I know about my body now, I never knew!
Learn your body … LEARN YOUR BODY!
SPEAK UP! DON’T SHUT UP!
Your doctor is your choice, don’t like what you’re hearing, move on!
Keep trying! <– You have my permission to slap the next person who tells you that in regards to SEX! Yeah I said it! Oh and slap the person who wants to “direct you on the positions in which to do it”, heck, slap them twice. What are you waiting for, you’re not getting any younger … oh these gems were wonderful to hear on a regular basis. >yup, insert slaps for them too<
GET TOUGH! You had better develop a tough exterior for the road ahead, what, do you think motherhood is easy?
Yes I’ve claimed it for you, claim it for yourself.
Don’t visit the land of “woe is me” with luggage, if you have to go there, make your visit quick, you’ll need that energy for more positive things.
CELEBRATE OTHERS, that opens you to receiving your own victories.
Laugh, cry, shout, dance and whatever you do PRAY!
God is so amazing, imagine what He already has in store for you and claim the victory!
More than just my own distress is the root of this push towards education and advocacy for the plight of infertile African Americans. The true push lies in the fact that I for one believe that we need to be aware of EVERY threat that is up against the black family. If we are already at a loss for true African American parenting and child rearing, then how much farther will our decline descend if we ignore the fact that the fertility rate of our race is dwindling.
But this won’t be a humdrum post, so let me quickly change the pace.
This morning, though my husband and I have no biological children as of yet, I found myself beaming to celebrate father’s day with him. My eagerness was due to the fact that he has been more than a father figure to so many children whom he truly loves. I’ve seen this man pull over and go to the door of people who let their small children play too close to busy streets, and I’ve also seen him care for children who had no biological tie to him with the dedication of a new father.
These are the kind of men our children need to see. Biological or not, we have to return to village thinking. If you see a child acting out or doing something out of pocket, it SHOULD be up to the community to rectify and address. Time out for momma’s on the “Don’t you say nothing to me or my baby” kick. We cannot ask men to be fathers and then take away every right they have.
I applaud every man who has taken on another man’s seed as his own.
I applaud every man who steps up the plate and FIGHTS for his children, be it in court, at the babymomma’s house, or elsewhere. I understand how tempting it can be to abandon responsibilities when the mother’s are acting more like children, and I thank you for thinking more of your babies than to let the temptation prevail.
I applaud every man who has refocused his life to better serve as an example for his children.
I applaud every man who has put his children first.
This post is for the father figures and for my brothers out there that have recently realized that being a father and being a dad are things to be proud of again. Slowly but surely, we are turning this thing around black men. And I for one am soo proud of you!
So, a major part of this thing has got to be staying healthy. I know that. You know that. We all know that right? So WHY, do I have to beat my own ass everyday about forgetting to take my meds?! Its one little pink pill that keeps my thyroid in check and yet I can’t seem to remember it on a daily basis. Let me tell you how bad it gets.
Yesterday, in the waiting room of my Dr’s office, I SUDDENLY thought, “Oh SHIT! What if she checks my blood today? I didn’t take my synthroid” So, my eyes scanned the waiting room and Yipee. there was a water fountain right under the “Parenting” magazines. So I popped a pill and tried my best to snag a good mouthful of water without accidentally dropping the pill into the fountain. I had to look like an idiot, trying to hold my purse, push the fountain with my knee, and then my bracelet slipped off and I was just a weird mess.
Now, all that could have been avoided if I actually thought enough of my damn predicament to faithfully take my medicine in the morning like I’m supposed to. But I guess that would be too much like right, because I am CONSTANTLY Forgetting to take this medication.
Why do we as a people have to be coaxed and cajoled into doing crap that we’re supposed to do for our own good? Stuff like:
“Remember to brush your teeth”
“Drink 8 glasses of water a day!”
“Be Active, Fatty!”
“Hey idiot, eat breakfast every day!”
We have to come up with slogans and commercials to help people do things that will keep them alive. How stupid is that? Infertility aside, at the heart of The Broken Brown Egg, we’re talking about being HEALTHY. Black folk are not very good at taking care of ourselves. I gotta do better. And probably, so do you.
So, I’ve always been a big girl. Not necessarily HUGE, but I damn sure wasn’t a cheerleader. Again, this is something that isn’t altogether unheard of in the black community. Our community glorifies big butts and smiles. We talk all the time about down home cooking and grandmama recipes and we proclaim skinny bitches to be evil so that we can feel good about ourselves in our Ashley Stewart/Lane Bryant apparel.
And that’s cool. It’s great to see so many women be comfortable with their bodies nowadays. BUT, not if that woman is looking to have a baby.
As a woman who is pretty tall, my frame can support more weight than that of my shorter counterparts. And unlike most anorexics or other “big girls”, I usually see myself as pretty okay as long as my clothes look nice.
But that is NOT enough. Looking good in your clothes is just that, looking good IN your clothes. It is not necessarily healthy.
In the infertility game, this is also a struggle because its hard NOT to eat when you are so emotionally tossed around. I go up and down with this thing and my weight and I have to do better.
My doctor said something so profound to me today. She said, “We rush around all the time and don’t eat, then we go into starvation mode and what we eat gets stored instead of burned, and its one of the ways we show ourselves that we aren’t worthy. IF we thought we were worth it, and didn’t take ourselves for granted, we would take better care of ourselves” WOW.
So, my urge to my BBE sistas today is to fully investigate your body health. You’re worth it! And on the fertility aspect, if you were buying an apartment that was BEAUTIFUL on the outside but the former renter had left all kinds of junk lying around that you were UNABLE to move, would you rent the place? Well, how do you think a KID would feel trying to grow fingers and whatnot in a junky body?