Random Thoughts on Infertility
It’s personal and yet not so personal!
It is a fight to fill a space that your spirit demands be filled.
We need to talk about it, empower ourselves, empower each other … come out the dayum closet!
My daughter will know her journey to me, my journey to her, our journey to each other.
What I know about my body now, I never knew!
Learn your body … LEARN YOUR BODY!
SPEAK UP! DON’T SHUT UP!
Your doctor is your choice, don’t like what you’re hearing, move on!
Keep trying! <– You have my permission to slap the next person who tells you that in regards to SEX! Yeah I said it! Oh and slap the person who wants to “direct you on the positions in which to do it”, heck, slap them twice. What are you waiting for, you’re not getting any younger … oh these gems were wonderful to hear on a regular basis. >yup, insert slaps for them too<
GET TOUGH! You had better develop a tough exterior for the road ahead, what, do you think motherhood is easy?
Yes I’ve claimed it for you, claim it for yourself.
Don’t visit the land of “woe is me” with luggage, if you have to go there, make your visit quick, you’ll need that energy for more positive things.
CELEBRATE OTHERS, that opens you to receiving your own victories.
Laugh, cry, shout, dance and whatever you do PRAY!
God is so amazing, imagine what He already has in store for you and claim the victory!
So, I’ve always been a big girl. Not necessarily HUGE, but I damn sure wasn’t a cheerleader. Again, this is something that isn’t altogether unheard of in the black community. Our community glorifies big butts and smiles. We talk all the time about down home cooking and grandmama recipes and we proclaim skinny bitches to be evil so that we can feel good about ourselves in our Ashley Stewart/Lane Bryant apparel.
And that’s cool. It’s great to see so many women be comfortable with their bodies nowadays. BUT, not if that woman is looking to have a baby.
As a woman who is pretty tall, my frame can support more weight than that of my shorter counterparts. And unlike most anorexics or other “big girls”, I usually see myself as pretty okay as long as my clothes look nice.
But that is NOT enough. Looking good in your clothes is just that, looking good IN your clothes. It is not necessarily healthy.
In the infertility game, this is also a struggle because its hard NOT to eat when you are so emotionally tossed around. I go up and down with this thing and my weight and I have to do better.
My doctor said something so profound to me today. She said, “We rush around all the time and don’t eat, then we go into starvation mode and what we eat gets stored instead of burned, and its one of the ways we show ourselves that we aren’t worthy. IF we thought we were worth it, and didn’t take ourselves for granted, we would take better care of ourselves” WOW.
So, my urge to my BBE sistas today is to fully investigate your body health. You’re worth it! And on the fertility aspect, if you were buying an apartment that was BEAUTIFUL on the outside but the former renter had left all kinds of junk lying around that you were UNABLE to move, would you rent the place? Well, how do you think a KID would feel trying to grow fingers and whatnot in a junky body?
The following was submitted anonymously by a great and loving friend of mine who graciously shared her story with us. Thank you to my special Broken Brown Eggshell!
The Waiting Game
I am 37 years old, married for 3 years, and we have no children. We have been on the journey towards motherhood for 2 years. I am grateful for my awesome insurance policy… a lot of people complain about HMOs, but I’m one that is grateful. There is the “waiting” game with the HMO but good things come to those who wait. I’ve learned to be proactive instead of reactive when it comes to my motherhood journey.
My husband and I became aggressive in the journey to motherhood in Nov. 08. Since then, we have been on a roller coaster ride… and I just say thank you Lord. Referred to an RE that we began seeing in Dec.08 only to learn that the HMO was dropping the clinic from its network in Feb. 09. So after hubby and I complete the necessary testing with the clinic we were faced with another referral for a new RE. We weren’t to excited about it, but by any means necessary. The new RE wanted to do further testing…still awaiting on more test to take.
I can’t say that I’ve been frustrated because I haven’t. I know God is the keeper of time and his time is always perfect. So every time I see a “belly” I whisper “God thank you for showing me what’s to come for us”.
“So when are YOU two gonna have kids?”
“Ummm, I dreamed of fish last night, girl, your turn is right around the corner.”
These are common conversations, right? And what are the usual responses?
“Oh, we’re waiting on our careers to stabilize.”
“Hey, you never know.”
“You know, we’re just enjoying being by ourselves right now, a baby would really get in the way of what we’re trying to do.”
When in fact,
“A recent report from the Coronary Artery Risk Development in Young Adults (CARDIA) study indicates that among non–surgically sterile women, African American women had a twofold increase in odds of reporting a history of infertility. Financial barriers limit access to diagnosis, evaluation, and treatment and may lead to selectively underestimating the frequency of infertility in the same population groups.”
Check out these statistics found on the Families of Color Initiative site:
6.2 million women between the ages of 15 and 44 are diagnosed as being infertile.
40% of infertility is caused by female factor, 40% is caused by male factor, and 20% is caused by a joint male and female factor.
Only one third of women of African descent who face this issue seek treatment.
The African American community has never been vocal on health issues the way that other communities are, and infertility is one major area where we are lacking exposure. Going past the choice not to conceive, and trying to get some more dialogue about the other end of the spectrum. I grew up and found out that out of my aunts and cousins, many of the ones I thought CHOSE to have one child or no children, were GIVEN that choice by thyroid, PCOS, Fibroids, or Secondary Infertility. We have to stop being quiet because a LOT of little black girls grow up trying NOT to get pregnant without ever knowing that they’re going to need help TO get pregnant.