Posts Tagged ‘Holidays’
Originally Published 12.31.10 @ 9:56am
Nia & Kuumba!
Kwanzaa day five(yesterday) was Nia, which means Purpose. As we walk the tightrope of fertility feelings, this is the thought that may become hardest to pinpoint. While I was totally perturbed yesterday when my server wouldn’t let me get my post out to you, as I thought about today’s principle, I realized that it was probably a divine,…well,… purpose, that may have led to that delay.
Today’s principle is Kuumba which means creativity. As I thought about the combination of Nia and Kuumba, I was stuck for a moment as I tried to think about how these two principles have affected my journey. I grasped the concept of Nia instantly because if there is anything that I have eventually come to terms with, it is my purpose in this journey. I have come to believe wholeheartedly that the reason for my issues with fertility, are rooted in my being here for you. I feel that I deal with this issue so that I can help you deal with yours. That thought gives me peace. (more…)
Originally Published 12.29.10 @ 1:27pm
Ujamaa! The principle of today means cooperative economics, as well as social and economic development. The focus of the principle is that African-Americans should support and promote other African-American businesses and institutions. The reason for this thrust is based on the belief that of all other cultures, African Americans have the least amount of cultural identity and resourcefulness.
As I thought about how to relate this particular principle to The Egg, I continuously hit a wall. You see when I first thought about it, I planned to promote other blogs and infertility resources that catered to African-American patients. Then I remembered… LOL
While the field is growing, it surely isn’t the largest. However that is no reason for me to not share with you guys the outstanding Fertility blogs and resources that I have found which are either founded or written by African Americans.
More Info on Why I’m Special!
Visit The Quest for the Nest on Facebook
Purchase The Quest here!
Check out the blog for Lena Arnold, author of For This Child We Prayed: Living with the Secret Shame of Infertility.
Check out Joshua’s Coming by Rhonda White
Blogs And Social Media:
For a list of other blogs that are written by African Americans who battle infertility check out the BrokenBrownBlogs page up top! (If you have one and would like to be added, send me a message)
Facebook Pages & Groups:
Let’s Talk About it
My Adoption Chronicles
Luck and Baby Dust
The Rare Soil Project
African American Fertility (Facebook Group)
Fertility/Family-Building Organizations Created by African Americans
The Center for Family Formation
The Tinina Q. Cade Foundation
Other Great Causes I’d like to mention, also founded by African American women:
Cosmopolitan Kids – Raising children to be global citizens through cultural awareness and activity (co-founded by one of the Egg’s board members!)
ChocolateBrides.com – The Premiere source of inspiration and sisterhood for the marriage-minded woman of color
So, that’s what I came up with! Not a lot, but still SOO much. What’s your Ujamaa today? Shout out a business or resource that I may have missed.
Originally published 12.28.10 @ 8:36am
Habari Ghani? (What’s the News?)
Today is the third day of Kwanzaa. Today’s principle is Ujima: Collective Work and Responsibility. This principle is one that I love because it is the very reason for The Egg. The purpose of Ujima is that we are to “build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems, and to solve them together“. That is what this very blog has been based upon.
The greatest compliment that I receive from the infertility community is in regards to my transparency. I say what you want to say but are too shy/afraid/embarrassed to. I rant and rave when you can’t, and I try my best to let it all, (or most of it), hang out. This is what drove me to start this blog, and later the organization.
Many have called me flighty or unrealistic for it, but from the time I was a very young girl, I have always believed that people would treat one another better if they only took the time to see where the other person was coming from. That if we were all as honest as we could be, we would have no way to hate or mistreat because we’d get to the bottom of what is making us tick. I was always the kid asking bullies why they were bullying me, or the person in the clique who would say, “hey guys, cut it out, she has feelings too”. It’s just who I am.
Actually, it’s who my grandmother made me to be. When I think of this principle today, I think of her, actually, as she’s been on my mind since my aunt gave us restored photos of her for Christmas. My grandmother was a lover of service and a believer in collective work and responsibility.
My grandmother at 17! Ain't she purrrty?!
Her home was open, which is very much a part of where I get my philosophy on how adoption is a relative term. If you needed a mother, aunt, sister, etc., she was that. She was always willing to pick up a cause, and her own issues didn’t really take up much space in her head. Getting breast cancer, made her an advocate for breast cancer awareness and support. Though she died of complications from that cancer on my birthday, fifteen years ago, I can remember that even as she was sick, she couldn’t help but care for other people who had less of a support system or who were just in need of someone to talk to.
She was a housewife by all accounts, but she used that to her advantage, often using me as her legs and hands to pick up donations for others, or to drop off gifts to sick and shut-ins. With that example, I had no choice but to learn how to serve and make others feel comfortable even in their ailments.
Because of her, I actually have a low tolerance for people who complain but DON’T serve or cause change. I can’t help it. From what she taught me, I find that every disparity we think we have, is an opportunity to encourage someone else. Every trial is a testimony in disguise.
The issues of the world are MY issues because I’m a part of this world. On a smaller scale, it is what makes me such a big part of the infertility community. To know how I feel to see that period every month, or to hear that same wretched report from my doctor, or to feel the way I do as a wife or daughter, I cannot help but to think of how YOU feel. I can’t help but to want to help YOU find your voice. I can’t help but to want to HELP.
Your problems are my problems. Through this blog, and the connections I’m allowed to make because of it, I pray that God allows me the opportunity to help you solve some of yours. And by what we both learn, I pray we are also given the opportunity to help our younger sisters and brothers so that they don’t have to start from scratch.
Because of this, I work my hardest to never censor myself here. I work hard to make sure that you feel safe here. I will continue to work hard to make sure that you have a place to sound off. And I hope that through my example, you do the same for someone else. It’s about ALL of us. Sometimes, it takes a Village to MAKE a child just as much as it does to RAISE one.
I know this post went a bit more serious than I’d originally planned, or than you expected, but the point of it all is that I hope you find your own ways to relate to the principle of Ujima! If you blog about something dear to you that you wish to share, you’re doing it. If you speak up to someone who needs to know that what they’re going through is okay because you’ve been there, you’re doing it! I’m already proud of you, feel free to share.
Originally Published 12.27.2010 8:13 pm
Happy Kwanzaa! I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas! I had a restful one, for a change, with much less stress from running around as it usually entails. As for this week, I’m going to try and and fill it with as much activity and peace as I possibly can. To help me with that, I am going to be celebrating Kwanzaa with a twist this year.
I’ve tossed around these words a lot today via social media.
I’ve looked them over in scripture, and found them to be a couple of my favorite phrases found in the bible. But not for the reasons you may think. I find them helpful, but I have to admit that I also generally laugh at them.
Let me explain.
See, I have a bland, Paul Rudd-like sense of humor. And these two phrases always seem to represent a moment when someone is being told something truly frightening or terrible, but in a way that kinda says, “Yeah, but you’re gonna have to man up about it and it’ll be cool in a bit.” Or, they tell the person to “take comfort” in some small consolation that pales in comparison to whatever badness is about to go down.
Now, while reading these passages, its usually the people being told this stuff that usually get me scratching my head, because (with the exception of Jonah) they never seem to say, “Um, no…I’m going to freak the heck out and do something else until you get this sorted out.”
And THAT confuses me more than anything.
I mean, if we’re being honest, we all want to do that, right? We see the humongous homework assignment in front of us and we’d much rather accept the failing grade. We think about cleaning our kitchen, and instantly remember the pizza coupon we got in the mail. When we think of things that seem difficult, we immediately try to think of how not to do whatever that thing is.
So the idea of being told to take comfort, when clearly all the alarms are ringing, feels like insanity.
But then I started to really focus on the words.
I’m a stickler for a good literal translation.
Nobody ever says, “Try and get comfortable”, or even, “Hope for comfort’. They flat out tell you to take it. And I agree with them there.
It is ridiculous to think that these things we’re going through, from the insane diagnoses to repeated failures, are going to make us comfortable. For most of us, even being “fine”, is a stretch. But I refuse to accept any station that leaves me feeling hopeless. And you shouldn’t either.
The holidays bring out the best and the worst in people. People are going to be bubbly in their emotions and want to wish all kinds of miracles into your womb. They’re also going to smile lovingly at you and your partner and ask sweetly what you’re waiting on.
YOU, yourself are going to wonder why you couldn’t have this ONE thing you wanted most from Santa and the Stork.
You may get to feeling down.
You may begin to get depressed.
You may begin to question any and everything, and it may make you lose sight of the goodness you do have in your life.
When you start to feel that way in these next couple of weeks, I want you to pause for a moment and do me (and yourself) one favor:
Don’t think about it. Don’t wonder about what to do next. Don’t worry about what people are going to think.
Find a way to make this year different. Take your comfort, and KEEP taking it.
And while you’re at it, Fear Not.
If you must be afraid, that is, Fear Not enjoying your life. You only get one.
Fear NOT being thankful for where you are RIGHT NOW. It’s a good place to be, regardless of how you feel.
Fear NOT finding your strength. You have more of it than you know.
Fear NOT believing. Hope is a terrible thing to lose.
I love you more than you can even imagine. Have a happy holiday, Eggshells. From my (two person) family to yours.
Townsend Family Portrait by LloveStudio.com
Ornament Photo Credit
Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Good to see you.
Oh, thanks! Yeah, it’ll be 7 years in July.
I know, it doesn’t seem that long to us either.
Yeah, well you know, it’s been fun. Time flies as they say.
Oh, what was that?
No, none yet.
Well, we were getting our degrees first.
And the finances together.
And working on careers.
Well, sure we want them.
Yeah, probably next year.
Well, we’re working on it.
No, I have fertility issues.
Oh, that’s alright, you didn’t know.
Really? I have a friend who went through it too. Thanks for sharing your friend’s/coworker’s/cousin’s business with me, though. I’ll think of her and how she finally got pregnant the next time I’m in the waiting room.
No, thank you for sharing your advice. I hadn’t heard any of it before.
You get home safe.
See you at Christmas!
“Can someone make another nog run?”