There are few experiences during this infertility thing where you feel empowered. The moments are few and far between, and you will find that when you get them, you will begin to savor them and never want them to end. The Fertility For Colored Girls‘ 2nd Annual “Hats, Heels, and Hankies Tea”, was one of those experiences.
It’s Tuesday. And around here, Tuesdays are RealTalkTuesdays. Today, though, there’s more than just the normal affirmations on my mind. Today, I’m thinking about the five years that have gone past as this blog has grown, and just how monumental it actually is.Five years ago, when…
Today, I stand with other bloggers for the #DayOfLight campaign to shed light on depression. Infertility is a quiet force within the African American community, and so is depression and mental wellness. Let’s turn the lights on…
There were more appointments then ever. And instead of reading about people talking about beating PCOS and drifting into motherhood, the talk had turned to talk to exclusively the word miscarriage. That word could strike fear in my heart like no needle ever could and it was suddenly everywhere.
Oh my God, could I have come this far only to spend every set aside dime and then lose my baby?!? This never was a thought to me until we started with the injections. The second I was asked to spend a lump sum, and get down to penniless for this “project”, it occurred to me that women lose babies everyday. I wanted to think of the worst case scenario and ask myself if I could handle whatever that was. Could I deal with the bills I was getting from the infertility clinic, the money I’d spent trying to get pregnant, the surgeries I’d had and then the possible threat of miscarriage?
I had never asked myself that question before, I was afraid to. I never brought the word up. I thought if I didn’t, it would definitely decrease my chances of it and at least preserve my sanity. But, suddenly people were coming forward bringing that word to me and I could not escape the thought.
Originally Published 12.31.10 @ 9:56am
Nia & Kuumba!
Kwanzaa day five(yesterday) was Nia, which means Purpose. As we walk the tightrope of fertility feelings, this is the thought that may become hardest to pinpoint. While I was totally perturbed yesterday when my server wouldn’t let me get my post out to you, as I thought about today’s principle, I realized that it was probably a divine,…well,… purpose, that may have led to that delay.
Today’s principle is Kuumba which means creativity. As I thought about the combination of Nia and Kuumba, I was stuck for a moment as I tried to think about how these two principles have affected my journey. I grasped the concept of Nia instantly because if there is anything that I have eventually come to terms with, it is my purpose in this journey. I have come to believe wholeheartedly that the reason for my issues with fertility, are rooted in my being here for you. I feel that I deal with this issue so that I can help you deal with yours. That thought gives me peace.