Everything that I believed about myself has been called into question as I walk through this.
But I’ve said all this before. So why am I sharing it right now?
Quite simply, because someone needs to hear it.
What IF we were careful to encourage the appreciation of all family types, and family building options. What IF my family structure was acknowledged and respected? What IF infertility were acknowledged?
I wish I was content to live a life without children in my home that didn’t get “returned to sender” at the close of the weekend or workday. But try as I might, I can’t turn this off.
What IF infertility wasn’t so hard, though? What IF I didn’t have to fight for every single inch? What IF this had come easy for me like it has for so many others? Who would I be, and what would infertility mean to me?
I’m not a mom.
And at times, I truly doubt, against my highest of hopes,
That I will ever be one.
But man, what a mom I’d be.
There are days where I can’t move. Days where I just can’t stand to think about this any more. And I start to wonder to myself, what IF on those days, I said the first things that came to my mind?