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It’s not enough to look good in your clothes.

So, I’ve always been a big girl. Not necessarily HUGE, but I damn sure wasn’t a cheerleader. Again, this is something that isn’t altogether unheard of in the black community. Our community glorifies big butts and smiles. We talk all the time about down home cooking and grandmama recipes and we proclaim skinny bitches to be evil so that we can feel good about ourselves in our Ashley Stewart/Lane Bryant apparel.

And that’s cool. It’s great to see so many women be comfortable with their bodies nowadays. BUT, not if that woman is looking to have a baby.
As a woman who is pretty tall, my frame can support more weight than that of my shorter counterparts. And unlike most anorexics or other “big girls”, I usually see myself as pretty okay as long as my clothes look nice.

But that is NOT enough. Looking good in your clothes is just that, looking good IN your clothes. It is not necessarily healthy.

In the infertility game, this is also a struggle because its hard NOT to eat when you are so emotionally tossed around. I go up and down with this thing and my weight and I have to do better.

My doctor said something so profound to me today. She said, “We rush around all the time and don’t eat, then we go into starvation mode and what we eat gets stored instead of burned, and its one of the ways we show ourselves that we aren’t worthy. IF we thought we were worth it, and didn’t take ourselves for granted, we would take better care of ourselves” WOW.

So, my urge to my BBE sistas today is to fully investigate your body health. You’re worth it! And on the fertility aspect, if you were buying an apartment that was BEAUTIFUL on the outside but the former renter had left all kinds of junk lying around that you were UNABLE to move, would you rent the place? Well, how do you think a KID would feel trying to grow fingers and whatnot in a junky body?

Unspoken Offenses

“So when are YOU two gonna have kids?”

“Ummm, I dreamed of fish last night, girl, your turn is right around the corner.”


These are common conversations, right? And what are the usual responses?
“Oh, we’re waiting on our careers to stabilize.”
“Hey, you never know.”
or even,
“You know, we’re just enjoying being by ourselves right now, a baby would really get in the way of what we’re trying to do.”

When in fact,

“A recent report from the Coronary Artery Risk Development in Young Adults (CARDIA) study indicates that among non–surgically sterile women, African American women had a twofold increase in odds of reporting a history of infertility. Financial barriers limit access to diagnosis, evaluation, and treatment and may lead to selectively underestimating the frequency of infertility in the same population groups.”

Check out these statistics found on the Families of Color Initiative site:

6.2 million women between the ages of 15 and 44 are diagnosed as being infertile.
40% of infertility is caused by female factor, 40% is caused by male factor, and 20% is caused by a joint male and female factor.
Only one third of women of African descent who face this issue seek treatment.
The African American community has never been vocal on health issues the way that other communities are, and infertility is one major area where we are lacking exposure. Going past the choice not to conceive, and trying to get some more dialogue about the other end of the spectrum. I grew up and found out that out of my aunts and cousins, many of the ones I thought CHOSE to have one child or no children, were GIVEN that choice by thyroid, PCOS, Fibroids, or Secondary Infertility. We have to stop being quiet because a LOT of little black girls grow up trying NOT to get pregnant without ever knowing that they’re going to need help TO get pregnant.

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