Appropriate Questions and Responses
Birth Control? (Metformin, Prenatal Viatmins, Birth Control Pills)
Since I’ve taken up this campaign, I’ve had countless friends and family members ask
“Oh my gosh, Regina, are you saying these things because of me?”
To them and everyone else, “NO!” LOL That is precisely the reason I’m opening up this dialogue!
The problem in our community is not those who ask, “So when are YOU gonna have kids?” The problem is those of US who are not honest in our response! Keep the questions coming! We have to start talking more about these things.
We must start going past the choice not to conceive, and trying to get some more dialogue about the other end of the spectrum. I grew up and found out that out of my aunts and cousins, many of the ones I thought CHOSE to have one child or no children, were GIVEN that choice by thyroid, PCOS, Fibroids, or Secondary Infertility. We have to stop being quiet because a LOT of little black girls grow up trying NOT to get pregnant without ever knowing that they’re going to need help TO get pregnant.
There have been a lot of times that my husband and I have been asked what we were “waiting for” or other similar questions. We tiptoe around the question, specifically because the community that we are a part of tends to be more acclimated to teen pregnancy than adult infertility. Think about it, how many 14-18 year olds do you know in the African American community who have one, or even more than one child before their 21st birthday? In our culture we tend to spend more time on pregnancy prevention and are very open about sex and babies without ever talking about sterility and infertility.
So, all I’m asking in our community is that we stop asking “What yall waiting on” and we start thinking about the possibility that childless marriages aren’t unhappy or deliberate. Think about it, you wouldn’t go into the death row of a prison yelling, “Damn, so when yall getting out of here?”
That being said, those of us who are trying, should do more to honestly answer these questions rather than shy away from them. Reassure people that it is okay to be excited for your future but respectfully make them aware that pregnancy is NOT as simple a feat as some would believe.
Regina Townsend is the primary author and founder of TheBrokenBrownEgg. A librarian and writer, Regina’s mission is to make people aware and active about the unique concerns of reproductive health in the minority community.